The White Knight
by Hazelmist
Summary: He was her white knight but he was no angel… He didn't flinch. He shivered where she touched him and shut his eyes. "Tessa." He cleared his throat… Jem/Tessa. UPDATED! AU after Clockwork Angel but may still contain spoilers for CP and CP2.
1. Part 1

**Summary: He was her white knight but he was no angel… He didn't shivered where she touched him and shut his eyes. "Tessa."He cleared his throat…Jem/Tessa.**

**A/N: So this is my first venture outside of Harry Potter fanfiction. I got **_**Clockwork Angel**_** the day it came out and it was AMAZING. I was so angry with Cassandra Clare when I reached the last page because now I have to wait a whole year to find out what happens and two years for the conclusion. I hate waiting. I am in love with Will and Jem and I would be thrilled if Tessa ended up with either of them. I think that Will and Tessa will end up together eventually but I'm curious to see how the whole relationship between Jem and Tessa plays out because I love Jem too. That said I decided to write a Jem/Tessa fanfic. And who knows maybe I'll do a companion piece for Will/Tessa in the future. **

**The White Knight**

**By Hazelmist**

They were both shadowhunters. Two warriors of angelic lineage. Two knights in leather armor. Standing side by side they stood out in sharp contrast to one another. They were two ends of the color spectrum. Black and White. Night and Day. Darkness and Light. Despite being polar opposites both were beautiful. The black knight had the face of a prince from a fairytale and the strength of a hero. Blue eyes, tangled black hair, elegant features, and smooth white skin. The white knight had the face and gentleness of an angel. Silver eyes, silvery white hair. He was tall and slender and there was something almost ethereal and fragile about him as if he truly was an angel that was too pure to stay long in this world. If Jem could be compared to an angel than Will could be portrayed as a demon.

But Will had rescued her from her tower and stole her first kiss and Tessa had truly thought that he was her Prince Charming and her Knight in Shining Armor. She had imagined him to be the hero in a novel in which she was the heroine he would marry in the end. Her fantasy was abruptly shattered in a moment when he gave her a diabolical grin and spoke harsh truths that tore her fragile heart to shreds. Magnus had observed that there was something about Will's devastating beauty that even the unholy Vampires could sense was wrong and frightening, and that his eyes were like the night sky over hell. She had insisted that Will was human like everyone else and that he had to care for something, that he had to love; but now she wasn't so sure. There was something dark and demonic about her black knight.

Jem was everything that Will was not. He played beautiful music and he spoke beautifully too. He knew all the right things to say at exactly the right time. He knew what she was and he didn't care. She remembered how even after she had changed, his eyes still looked at her in the same way. She remembered when he had told her on the bridge that she was still human. She remembered how he helped her to heal the wound in her heart by reassuring her that the right man would accept and love her for _all_ that she was. And yet it was her angel, her white knight that could not go a single day without an injection of demon poison. The blood of demons kept the flush in his cheeks and was the only thing that kept his heart beating. But the poison was slowly killing him, sucking the life out of him like the color it drained out of his hair and eyes. Her white knight was no angel. He was not immortal and he was reminded of his mortality with every gasping breath he took.

Tessa tried not to think of that as she watched the pair from a stone alcove in the library. They came trudging in through the courtyard, barring the iron gates shut behind them. Will was covered in filth, blood, ichor and mud but he was grinning. He said something to Jem that made him laugh and lay an inked hand on Will's shoulder. Tessa exhaled a breath that she hadn't known she'd been holding as they passed beneath her window and disappeared into the Institute. She closed the Codex and left the library to meet them.

She heard them long before she reached them. Jessamine was ordering that someone do something about that "disgusting stench" and Sophie was accusing Will of tracking demon entrails into the Institute again. Will said something back in a voice that Tessa recognized as the one he used specifically to charm women, but obviously it did not have the desired effect on Jessamine or the maid servant because both women continued uninterrupted in their complaints and their scolding. Jem, on the other hand was always spared. Will had said that it was because they favored Jem but everyone knew that Will dragged in more filth and blood just to piss off Sophie and Jessamine. Tessa wondered again why Will found the need to be rude to everyone. Everyone that was except –

She squeaked in surprise as she collided with something solid. A pair of strong arms caught her against a filthy shirt that barely clad the muscular chest beneath it. Immediately she thought of Will, but when she was set back on her feet, she was startled to find a pair of silver eyes instead.

"Tessa, are you alright?" His hands lingered on her shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Jem. I wasn't paying attention." She had been but Jem moved as silently as the ghost that he so strongly resembled. Now, she saw how pale he was and that he was so white that he was almost transparent. The only color seemed to come from the runes inked onto his hands, snaking up his arms, and the blood staining his white shirt.

"_Jem_!" she gasped, alarmed. Impulsively, she pressed her hand flat against the spot as if she could staunch the flow of blood. Beneath her fingers and through the bloody fabric she felt the muscles in his abdomen tense. He didn't flinch. He shivered where she touched him and shut his eyes.

"Tessa." He cleared his throat. She snatched back her hand and brought it to her blushing cheek but then a second horrific thought struck her.

"Are you ill?"

"No, Tessa, I'm quite well." She thought she detected the slightest hint of amusement in his voice as he reassured her, "It's not my blood. But now you've got it on your hands." He took her wrist, and brought it away from her cheek. He turned it so that the palm faced up and Tessa saw that he was in fact right. There was blood on her hands. It was probably on her new dress too. Jessamine would be furious and she didn't know how she would explain it to Sophie. Her eyes moved from her sticky hands to his shirt.

"What happened?" she asked him.

"Come with me," he said. His fingers slid from her wrist to grasp her hand as he led her to where their bedrooms faced one another across the narrow hallway. He pushed open his bedroom door and brought her inside. He closed the door behind them.

"Well?" Tessa prompted him. The way he was holding her hand and looking at her made her suddenly hyper aware of the fact that they were alone in his bedroom and that he had just shut the door. But then he released her and moved to the wash basin.

"Will decided that it would be delightful fun to track a couple of Ravener demons," Jem explained as he tipped the pitcher and began filling the basin with water. He smiled up at her. "His words, not mine. Naturally I went along with him even though I knew it was a ridiculously stupid idea."

"Jem." She shook her head and sat down on the trunk at the foot of his bed. "You're only encouraging him."

"I know but someone has to watch his back and make sure he doesn't kill himself."

"Maybe you should let him get what he deserves," she suggested unkindly, thinking of the harsh words that Will had said to her the last time they had spoken. Jem snorted and the water sloshed over the rim of the basin. He set the pitcher back down, grinning.

"Sometimes I do have to resist that temptation but we're parabati and therefore it is my job to make sure that that doesn't happen."

"I only meant that in the kindest way," she added hastily. "He needs to learn not to be so reckless and careless or one of these days he might not be the only one that gets himself killed." She looked pointedly at Jem but then quickly glanced away.

"Tessa," Jem sighed. He crushed what looked like a dried leaf in his fist and dropped the powdered remains into the water. Tessa watched the water turn cloudy. "Tessa, I don't expect you to understand, but this is what it means to be a shadowhunter. I was born to do this."

"I know." But that didn't make it any easier to accept it. She looked down at her blood stained hands.

"Here," Jem approached the trunk and handed her a wet cloth. His shoulder brushed against hers as he perched on the edge of the trunk beside her and started to scrub at his hands. She did the same. They worked in a comfortable silence until Jem hesitantly raised his voice.

"Tessa, I know you've only been at the Institute for a month, but in the past couple of weeks has Will seemed strange to you?"

Tessa froze and the wet cloth slipped from her hands. It landed in a soggy heap at her feet but she made no move to retrieve it. Vividly she recalled their last encounter. Since then, she made every effort to avoid him and at dinner and those other rare occasions when she did meet with him she was cold but always polite. She had hoped that no one had noticed but she couldn't fool Jem. Still, she hastily sought for an excuse.

"Jem, I would be alarmed if he wasn't acting strange after everything that's happened. Barely a fortnight has passed since Agatha and Thomas…" she trailed off. Jem hunched forward and held the cloth to the side of his face. Tessa bit her lip, wishing she hadn't brought it up. She laid a consoling hand on his shoulder.

"Jem, I'm sorry," she whispered, even though she already knew that shadowhunters didn't say that they were sorry when they were offering condolences. They didn't say goodbye either but she remembered how Jem had his own way of saying farewell and she thought that he would understand.

He reached up to touch her hand. His fingers were cold and damp from the cloth but so were hers. She rubbed his shoulder and he covered his hand with hers. When their eyes met, there was mutual understanding. Tessa wondered how it was possible that she and Jem had just met each other and yet they could communicate without saying a single word. In one glance she could tell that Jem knew that there was more to it than just Agatha and Thomas's death and that he suspected something frighteningly close to the truth. She pulled her hand out from under his and sat back.

"I didn't mean to upset you," Jem apologized as he bent to retrieve the cloth she'd dropped. "But I wondered why he was acting especially strange toward you."

"Maybe he blames me for their deaths," she said sadly as he knelt in front of her. She felt his hands on hers again and she was forced to look into his silver eyes. It was the result of the drug, she knew that but she thought the pale shade of silver was still beautiful.

"Tessa, it's not your fault. None of this has anything to do with you."

"If I hadn't come to the Institute, if it hadn't been for my brother, if it hadn't been for my special ability then none of this would've happened," she reminded him bitterly.

"And if it hadn't been for you and your special ability we'd probably still be chasing after De Quincey and more mundanes would be dying every day. If it hadn't been for your bravery, Tessa, Sophie and Jessamine would've been killed with Thomas and Agatha and I would've died in the courtyard that night after we went to Blackfriars Bridge."

"But-"

"Tessa, stop," he interrupted her, gripping her hands firmly in his and leaning closer. "Stop blaming yourself. The only one who is responsible for this is Mortmain. And Will knows that too." Tessa opened her mouth to say something more regarding Will's opinions of her, but she thought better of it. Jem gradually relaxed his hold on her fingers and let go.

"Besides I don't let what Will thinks taint my judgment and neither should you," he added. He didn't blame her. He didn't care what Will thought about her. Tessa felt some of the burden on her shoulders lift.

"This should remove the blood stains from your clothes," he said, changing the subject. He held out his hand and silently asked for her permission which Tessa thought was odd seeing as he'd just been holding her hands but Jem was a gentleman. She gave him her arm. He held her arm gently, as he sponged at the smudges of blood on her sleeve. Fortunately that was the only other place that was stained.

He seemed to take longer than was necessary to remove the blood stains, but maybe the seconds were dragged out because she was once again overly aware of the fact that they were alone and that he was kneeling on the floor in front of her, perilously close to her skirts and bent over her arm in intense concentration. She looked down at his bare head, admiring the color of his hair that was like spun silver. The thick sleeve of her dress prevented her from feeling it, but she remembered how it felt as it brushed against the back of her hand when he bent to kiss her hand in farewell. That same shock went through her as he lifted his head suddenly and they were on eye level with one another. She hadn't realized that she had been instinctively bending toward him as he worked. But now there wasn't much space between their faces. Her mouth was suddenly dry. He hadn't let go of her arm.

"I think I got most of it," he said, smiling. "No one will suspect anything."

"Thank you," she said stiffly, taking her arm back. But she didn't move to leave. Her eyes were locked with his. He hadn't budged from where he was practically kneeling on her skirts.

"You should probably wash up," she suggested, allowing her eyes to travel down the pale throat to the dried blood that caked his shirt. She recalled the feel of his muscles tensing beneath her hand and the way he had shut his eyes and shivered instead of flinching away. "They'll be expecting us for dinner, preferably clean and blood free."

"Then, I'm guessing you don't want to go looking like that," he said, pointing at her cheek.

Tessa frowned in confusion but then he reached up with his long white fingers. She saw the runes rippling underneath his white shirt as he moved his hand toward the side of her face. She didn't shrink away or flinch when his cold fingers touched her cheek. She shivered and closed her eyes.

His caress was gentle and brief but Tessa felt the shiver go all the way down to her toes. She thought she saw a flash of regret as he drew his hand away and her eyes opened.

"You had some blood on your cheek," he explained, rising to his feet. He held a hand out to her and helped her to her feet. His fingers were so cold and yet there was something pleasant and shivery about his touch that she liked. In a way it reminded her of the kiss in the attic that she shared with Will, but then look how that had turned out. Their eyes met and she let go of him quickly.

"I'll see you at dinner," she said and then she left the room in a hurry. She closed her bedroom door behind her and leaned against it, shaking. She couldn't possibly be entertaining romantic feelings for Jem too. But Jem was different. Yes, he _was_ different. He wasn't Will.

**A/N: I'd love to hear what you think! Should I write more? I have a more intimate scene planned. Sorry if it's a little similar to the scene in the attic between Will and Tessa but shedding blood and getting it on one's clothes seems to be right up there with eating and drinking when it comes to living as a shadowhunter. Hope you enjoyed it and let me know if you think I should continue! And look out for a Will/Tessa piece perhaps. **


	2. Part 2

**Summary: He was her white knight but he was no angel… He didn't shivered where she touched him and shut his eyes. "Tessa."He cleared his throat…Jem/Tessa.**

**Disclaimer: I used Will's memories and descriptions of Jem in Clockwork Angel to write this chapter. **

**A/N: Thank you to everyone that reviewed the last chapter! And thank you NixiexGrey for betaing for me! Hopefully you'll enjoy this one, it's a little bit different and takes place some time after the last one. **

**The White Knight**

**By Hazelmist**

**Part 2**

There were some nights when Tessa wished that there were more than just two unlocked doors and a few paces separating her from Jem. Tonight was one of them.

The violin music had ended on a shrill, jarring note like the cry of dying animal. It was followed by the sound of breaking glass.

Tessa leapt out of bed and threw on her dressing gown. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she yanked open her door and darted across the hall to Jem's. The door yielded beneath her hand and she tumbled inside.

"Jem! Are you all right?"

It was a ridiculous question because Tessa already knew that Jem was not alright. The wash stand had been knocked over when he tried to break his fall. The pitcher had shattered. It now lay in white porcelain shards that winked in the moonlight, streaming in through the window. She stepped further into the room and cold fear flooded her. Jem was sprawled on his back, feebly trying to pick himself back up. He held a hand to his mouth, trying to stifle the dreadful hacking cough at the same time.

"Jem!" She swooped down on him, kneeling at his side. A sharp edge of the broken pitcher tore at her gown as she reached for the shoulder that he wasn't coughing in to. "Jem?"

The awful noise stopped abruptly. She could feel the shoulder muscles straining beneath the loose white shirt he wore as he struggled to sit up. The hand that had been covering his mouth slapped against the floor boards as he propped himself up on his elbows. There would be a bloody handprint there in the morning.

"Tessa." He half turned to her and their eyes met for a split second. His pupils were swallowed up in a sea of molten silver. She was afraid. Oh, God, she needed help.

"Where's Will?" she asked him anxiously.

"He's out-" He choked and the rest of his words were lost as his body began to spasm. There wasn't time to find Will or fetch someone else. Her eyes spun wildly around the room until they came to rest on a gleaming silver box. Letting go of him, she lunged for it.

She picked it up. It was cold and light, too light. When she flipped open the lid she discovered why. The thin layer of silver powder barely coated the bottom of the box. But there was no time. She closed it again and tucked it underneath her arm.

"Jem, I've got it," she reassured him, holding out the box to him. She could see the goddess of mercy and compassion glowing in the enamel top. When Jem's arm shot out and nearly knocked the box out of her hands, Tessa thought that it was the goddess's protection that stopped what was left of the precious drug from spilling. She called upon the goddess again as Jem clutched at his chest and began mumbling in a foreign language. Panic overtook her. She had never seen him in a state anything like this and had no idea how to give him the drug properly. The door burst open and her prayers were instantly answered in the form of Sophie.

"Master Jem!" Sophie cried out in anguish. She almost dropped the candle she was holding, but Tessa snapped out an order for her to set it down on the bedside table and help her.

"Has he taken-"

"Not yet." She shoved the box into the girl's arms and turned to Jem. He was on the floor, writhing in pain. She felt her chest constrict at the sight of him in this state and reached for his hand. He threw her off with startling strength for someone who hadn't been able to sit up. But then she remembered that Jem was a Shadowhunter. She turned to Sophie for help, but she was already shrinking away with the box cradled protectively against her chest.

"What are you waiting for? He needs the drug now!"

"We need Master Will to hold him down," Sophie said with wide eyes. Tessa knew that she was right, but she also knew that Will wasn't here. Jem's arm flailed out again. Tessa seized both arms and pushed them down onto the floor before Sophie was startled and more of the precious drug was spilt. There was no time.

"I'll hold him down," she said, swallowing down her fear.

"But Miss-"

"Hurry Sophie!"

Tessa knew that she was no Shadowhunter. She was probably no match for Jem's strength even in his weakened state. But as she watched Jem clawing at his chest, gasping for breath, she knew she had to try. Jem snarled and struggled to free his arms. Sophie had pulled a silver cup out of a drawer and was measuring out the drug with shaking hands. But Jem was fighting her. He squirmed and pulled out of her grasp, shouting something she couldn't understand. Sophie was frozen in fear. Tessa was going to have to do better than that. With her heart slamming against her rib cage and a cold sweat beading on her brow, Tessa did the first thing that popped into her head – she threw herself on top of him.

He went rigid beneath her. His skin was so hot and feverish that it scorched through their clothing; his heart was beating too fast and his chest rose and fell too rapidly. Her heart was thudding in her ears, nearly drowning out the hiss of mysteriously harsh words that came from his lips between gasping painful breaths. He sucked in a breath greedily that didn't come. Tessa lost her breath as well. He tried to buck her off, arching his body against hers, but Tessa hung on to him with a strength she didn't know she had in her. When his head knocked into the floorboards she winced. He had no breath to cry out with which made the silence that followed all the more frightening. She mounted his shaking body, sitting up on his chest and pinning his arms down.

"Sophie, do it now!"

Tessa didn't see Sophie give him the drug. She was watching his muscles straining beneath his shirt as his chest heaved. She breathed with him. Her heart beat with his. She didn't have to understand the things that he had been shouting at them, her body was so close to his that she _felt_ his pain. As the muscles coiled beneath hers and his body went rigid, Tessa's heart stopped beating altogether. She wondered if this was it. Was this his last breath? Was this his death that she was witnessing? Was this the end? She felt his muscles relax and the realization hit her full force: the fight and the life had gone out of him.

"No, _Jem_!"

She couldn't breathe. A huge lump had formed in her throat that she couldn't get past. Her entire body had gone numb with a strange cold that came from within but there was a pain in the center of her chest. It was as if a hand had reached inside of her and clenched around her heart. The grip was like iron and it kept squeezing. She remembered when her Aunt, her surrogate mother had died. But she didn't remember it hurting this much. Nothing she had ever felt before had been this painful. Her eyes stung as the room, Sophie, and Jem blurred.

"Miss Tessa!"

Sophie's voice seemed to come from a long way off. She was dimly aware of Sophie trying to pull her off of Jem. Tessa pushed her away and clung to his body as if it was the only thing keeping her from drowning. But Sophie was persistent.

"Miss Tessa, he's all right now."

The words sunk in slowly. Her heart leapt in her chest. The numbing shell that had encased her thawed and melted away. She became aware of his heart gently beating beneath her curled fingers. The sound of his regular breathing made her dizzy with relief. He was alive! The warmth returned to her body like an adrenaline rush. She was faint with happiness. Sagging against the other girl, she sighed and allowed Sophie to help her off of him. His eyelids fluttered open. His eyes were dark with exhaustion, but they were there again. He was still here.

"Tessa?" he rasped.

She nodded, touching his burning cheek. Her fingers tingled pleasantly as the heat passed between them.

"Tessa-"

She covered his mouth, hushing him. His lips were soft and warm against her palm. Her eyes met Sophie's. The maid servant nodded obligingly and together they helped him to his feet. He leaned on them heavily as they half carried, half dragged him to the bed. Tessa helped him into the bed, fussing over him. Sophie cleaned up the broken pitcher and righted the washstand.

His hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat. Her hand came up to smooth it back. He was still hot and feverish but Tessa couldn't stop gazing at him.

"Tessa, my beautiful angel," he murmured, closing his eyes at her touch. Tessa blushed with pleasure even though the compliment had been given in the midst of a feverish haze. She was no more an angel than he was, but he had called her_ beautiful_.

"Miss Grey, you should go back to your room. You'll be wanting your sleep," Sophie said softly, laying her hand on her shoulder. Tessa reluctantly tore her eyes from Jem and looked up into her pale pinched face. Sophie looked almost as bad as Jem. Tessa wondered how many sleepless nights she had spent worrying over this young man and the other residents of the Institute, coming back at all hours of the night, bloodied and battered.

"Sophie, you should get some rest. Morning comes early," Tessa suggested as gently as possible. Sophie hesitated, her eyes flicking to Jem.

"I'll stay with him," Tessa offered. "I'm not tired," she lied. "Besides, my room is right across the hall, and I can sleep in tomorrow."

Sophie didn't want to leave Jem, but Tessa could see that she had gone too long without sleep and would be of little help to Jem. With a look of resignation, she bowed her head.

"If you insist Miss Grey," she said stiffly.

"I do insist. Please, Sophie, go to bed."

Sophie took one last longing look at Jem and then she nodded. She didn't have much of a choice, it was an order. So, she turned to go. Before she reached the door though, Tessa heard her quiet voice,

"Thank you, Miss. I'm much obliged to you." Tessa knew that she wasn't talking about Tessa staying up with him.

"You would have done the same," Tessa told her before she could go on. Sophie shook her head and looked from her to Jem in a way that made Tessa doubt her own words. Even though Sophie had probably seen it hundreds of times, Tessa thought that Will and Jem might have been managed to hide the worst of it from her and the others. Or maybe it really was more terrifying to Sophie because she had had to see it hundreds of times, and because she had already accepted a long time ago that one day… Tessa squeezed her eyes shut, shoving these thoughts to the back of her mind.

"Goodnight Sophie," she dismissed her.

Sophie left, wordlessly closing the door behind her. As soon as the door shut, Tessa collapsed into the chair at Jem's bedside. She watched him sleep until her eyelids grew heavy. It wasn't long before she was asleep too.

* * *

Tessa's eyes fluttered open. She sat up and rubbed at the crick in her neck. Oh, god, she must have dozed off. Twisting around in the chair, she turned to look at Jem, but he was still sleeping peacefully in the same position as before. She reached out and pulled the sheet up closer to his chin. Her gaze was caught by the long slender white hands spread out on the covers. She remembered that night when Jem had revealed his deadly secret. They had just met, and yet she had immediately felt an attachment to him. Her hands had hovered uncertainly over his, wanting to take them in her own until Will had burst into the room, and told her to go to her brother. But there was no Will or Nate to stop her tonight.

She leaned forward and took one of his hands between both of her own. She caressed the back of his hand, lightly running her hand over the pale skin. She felt her fingers catch on an oddly shaped scar. Bending to examine it more closely, her thick hair cascaded down around her. She shook it out of her eyes. A hand reached out, helpfully tucking it behind her ear. She froze as his cool fingers brushed over her skin. Their eyes met.

"Jem," she breathed.

"Tessa," he whispered. "I didn't think I'd see your face again."

Tessa shook her head. Will would've forced a smile and cheerfully brushed it all aside, but she wasn't Will. Her face betrayed her and the truth poured out.

"Jem, I was so scared. I didn't know what to do-" Her voice cracked. She had to focus hard on the white hand that she held onto. But it wasn't working. She couldn't stop thinking about that agonizing moment when she thought he had died. She trembled and fought to keep the tears at bay.

"Tessa?" His voice was closer and softer. "Tessa?" He gently pushed back the hair that had fallen back into her face. His hand stopped when he saw the tears sparkling in her eyes.

"God, Tessa," his voice caught. "I'm so sorry."

The first sob came. She hunched in on herself, leaning closer to him. He slid his arm around her, pulling her against his chest. His shirt smelled faintly of sweat and stuck to his chest. It made her all the more aware of the muscles rippling underneath the thin material. There was so much vitality and strength in him, but he was still dying.

"Tessa, don't cry. Please, don't cry," he pleaded with her. His voice was uneven and not as reassuring as she hoped. Jem, who always seemed to know exactly what to say, was suddenly at a loss for words. She wept into the front of his shirt as he clutched her closer. Painful sobs tore through her body, but she couldn't stop. He held her as she cried, stroking her hair and soothingly rubbing her back. But he never said a word.

Eventually, her exhaustion caught up to her. Worn out, she lay with her cheek pressed against his tear soaked shirt. The feverish skin and the beating heart warmed her, making her reluctant to leave his embrace. His fingers wove in and out of her hair. But he was shaking.

"Jem?" She tried to pull away but his arms tightened around her. There was no change in his heart beat but his breath hitched. He wasn't looking at her. He was staring at the silver box.

"Do you need more?" she asked. But Jem didn't seem to hear her. He also didn't let her go. She touched the side of his face, gently turning it away from the box and back to her. "Jem?"

He blinked, coming back to himself. She inquired again if he needed more. Jem shuddered and shook his head. His gaze slid back to the box. Tessa remembered how the box had felt so light in her hands.

"There's not much left," she told him, though he already knew that of course.

"I know," Jem said quietly.

"You've been taking more of it, haven't you?"

Jem said nothing. But she felt him tense. She knew he hated lying.

"You can get more though, can't you? You have the warlock dealer that you can go and see for more, right?"

A tremor went through Jem but he didn't answer her. Something was wrong.

"Jem?" She had to force him to look at her again. "What happened?"

"Tessa, don't worry yourself," he told her, smoothing down her hair.

"Don't lie to me," she warned him, narrowing her eyes. "What happened?"

Jem sucked in his breath sharply. He let it out slowly.

"Will and I went looking for the warlock dealer last week."

"Did you find him?" Tessa asked.

"We did," Jem cleared his throat. "But the demons found him first. He's dead."

There was a long pause. Tessa waited for him to go on but he didn't. He was watching her closely, waiting for her reaction. There was something about the way that he was looking at her that made her fear the worst.

"Was he a friend of yours?" she asked quietly.

"No, but he was the one that gave me the drug whenever I needed it and always at a fair price." He was still looking at her with sad silvery eyes.

"Well, you can get the drug from somewhere else now, can't you?"

Jem sighed and shook his head.

"Will seems to think so. He and I went to see a few other warlocks in the area, but no one seemed to know anything about it. The warlock's house was ransacked. Will and I searched it, but there were no clues. The Clave said that they'd look into it, but they have more than enough on their plate trying to track down and destroy a clockwork army." He bit his lip and lapsed into silence. His arms had gone limp around her as if he had already started pulling away from life. As if everything she had just done had been a waste. Where was her White Knight now?

"So, that's it then?" Tessa asked softly, sitting up and folding her arms over her chest. "You're just giving up?" She was surprised at how well she was able to keep the anger out of her voice. Jem still noticed because his lips parted in surprise.

"No, Tessa, I'm not giving up. But-"

"But what?" she demanded.

"Will has hardly slept since he found out, Tessa. That's why he isn't here tonight."

"I'm not talking about Will," she hissed.

"I know you're not." Jem pushed his hair back from his forehead. She could see the marks where the shirt clung to his arms and his chest. He reached out and took her hands in his. His grip was strong, warm and reassuring. When his silvery eyes were level with hers, she felt some of the anger fading.

"Tessa, I'm not giving up. I'm going to fight this in the only way I know how, but I fight for the ones that I love. I want Will to actually get some sleep before he makes himself sick. I want Charlotte to find Mortmain before she loses the Institute and Henry. And I want to destroy Mortiman and his clockwork army so that you'll be safe again." The affection in his voice and in his gaze on her was so profound that Tessa felt her heart skip a beat.

"I'm a Shadowhunter, Tessa. Shadowhunters don't give up. But sometimes you have to pick and choose your battles when it comes down to protecting the ones you love."

Tessa hadn't been expecting that but he was her White Knight. She had imagined that he would've reacted as Will had when she confronted him about finding a cure, but he wasn't Will. Jem loved the family that he had formed at the Institute, more than himself. And she was among those that he loved. It took her a long time before she could find her tongue again. She meant to apologize for her rudeness, for doubting him, for everything; but only two words came out.

"How long?"

"I think Will and Charlotte have an emergency supply. The Clave might even have some from when they experimented on me…"

"How long?" His hands were the only thing keeping her together.

"That box will give me another three weeks if I'm careful…" But he wouldn't be careful. He was a Shadowhunter. "And Will has some hidden away, I'm sure of it."

"How long?" Her voice was little more than a whisper and sounded painfully weak even to her own ears.

"A month, maybe two…" he trailed off. The words resounded in her head. She had barely known him for a month! There was so little time. In some small part of her mind, she always knew that he was going to die. Tonight had only confirmed it. But she hadn't expected a deadline so soon. She looked up into Jem's eyes and knew that he was thinking the same thing.

"Oh, _Jem_." She swayed toward him. He caught her against his chest, encircling her in his arms. She pushed her face into the crook of his neck. He tilted his head, resting his silky hair against hers. She thought that she would've cried, but she was tired, so tired.

"I'll help you look," she promised.

"Tessa-"

"I don't want you to die. I can't lose you. I-" There were things that she wanted to say to him, so many things she _needed_ to tell him. But he was exhausted and so was she. A month, maybe two, that was all they had left. She shivered and held fast to him.

"You'll catch cold," he whispered, tugging her closer.

When he pushed back the covers, she crawled under the sheets beside him. He didn't say anything. He leaned across her to blow out the candle. She pulled the blankets up over them when he laid back down. He wrapped his arms around her as she snuggled into the warmth of his chest.

"I should go," she murmured. Her hand lazily explored the contours of his muscular chest.

"You should." He tensed, capturing her curious fingers with his hand.

There was a long pause in which she wondered if he was going to push her away.

"Do you want me to go?" Tessa asked in a small voice.

"No." He shook his head, holding her tighter. "Please, don't go." His voice was barely audible, but his breath tickled her ear.

"I won't," she soothed him.

He let out the breath that he had been holding, his body relaxing against hers. Tessa almost smiled. One of his hands crept up her back and into her hair. She closed her eyes in pleasure as his fingers danced along her spine and combed through her hair. Moments later she felt his grip slacken as his breathing slowed. He was asleep, but she stayed with him. It was wrong but it felt so right to lie there in his arms, especially now, when there was so little time left.

"I'll never leave you, Jem," she promised.

She fell asleep in his arms.

**A/N: Thank you NixiexGrey for betaing for me! I have the grammar of a fourth grader and she was awesome enough to fix it for me! If there are any errors remaining they're mine. Once again, I used Will's descriptions of Jem's more frightening attacks to write the first half of the chapter, so I'm sorry if it was repetitive. And yes I know it's kind of crazy that the attack would come on that quickly, but let's just say that Jem tried to go without it for too long, and he's getting worse. As for how he takes the drug, I really don't know, maybe I missed it? What'd you think? Do Tessa and Jem get caught in this very scandalous position? Shall I continue? **


	3. Part 3

**The White Knight**

**By Hazelmist**

**Summary: He was her white knight but he was no angel… He didn't flinch. He shivered where she touched him and shut his eyes. "Tessa."He cleared his throat…Jem/Tessa.**

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Cassandra Clare. **

**A/N: Holy Cow, 48 reviews for the last chapter! I don't know if I've ever got that many reviews for one chapter, thank you! I apologize for the delay, I didn't want to disappoint. Please forgive me. **

**PART 3**

Tessa drowsily cracked open her eyes. Everything was a pale grey, lit by the earliest rays of a sun that had yet to breach the horizon. She was warm and comfortable, burrowed beneath the sheets of her bed. But she wasn't in her bed and she wasn't alone.

Tessa started, almost waking Jem who looked even more beautiful and ethereal arrayed in the half light of a fast approaching dawn. She looked down in fascination at her own limbs bathed in the same pale light and tangled with his. In this light it almost looked like they were both angelic and otherworldly beings. Of course, that made it all the more painful for her to recall the harsh truth that she was forced to swallow the night before. No matter how much of the angel's blood beat in his veins, Jem was mortal and his death was creeping closer like the light of day. He was so still and peaceful that for a moment she wondered if death had already taken him from her in the night. But his breath stirred her hair and warmed her cheek. He slept on but his heart beat steadily beneath her palm.

"Get up."

The voice was soft but too harsh to be Jem's. Tessa was suddenly hyper aware of another presence behind her. She knew the gaze even before she was forced by a rough, calloused hand to look into those blue eyes. Her breath caught in her throat. Tessa wondered why she hadn't immediately sensed him - sitting in the chair by the bedside, glaring down at her for God knows how long - and realized with a jolt that she had been more fascinated by Jem's ethereal beauty.

"You need to leave," Will hissed, curling his fingers around her forearm, "and don't you dare wake him." His eyes flitted back to Jem, his expression immediately softening. While Will was distracted by his concern for his parabatai, Tessa quickly and gently untangled herself from Jem and his bed sheets. She sat up, flinching when Will dug his fingers into her arm. Her bare feet hit the cold floor as Will roughly hauled her up and dragged her from the room.

He pulled the door shut behind them, allowing Tessa to wrench her arm out of his painful grasp. She tried to make a dash for her bedroom, but Will was too fast for her.

"We're not finished yet." He grabbed her shoulder and spun her around to face him. Tessa was powerless between both of his strong hands. She felt her back hit the wall as his face pressed closer. His blue eyes were darker and brighter than she remembered. Tessa was struck by a memory of the last time that they stood this close together. He had held her tightly then and melded his hot mouth with hers. She would be lying if she said that she hadn't enjoyed that last kiss, but the words that had followed it…

"Let go of me," she ordered coldly.

"Not until you promise me to stay away from him." His eyes flashed with a barely disguised threat, his hands tightening on her shoulders. But Tessa lifted her chin defiantly.

"I will do no such thing!"

"That was not the answer I was looking for," Will growled, shoving her up against the wall. Tessa squirmed and pushed at his chest with her hands.

"Mr. Herondale, unhand me, now!" she demanded.

Will relaxed his grip on her shoulders so that it was no longer painful, but not yet loose enough for her to escape. He still clutched at her sleeves possessively, causing Tessa to have a sudden epiphany.

"You're jealous," she gasped. The effect it had on Will was instantly apparent. Two spots of color rose in his cheeks but his eyes flicked downward before she could read his reaction fully and claim her victory.

"I am not _jealous_." When he lifted his gaze again, his face was guarded and his eyes were hard. His mouth twisted into an ugly half smirk. "I thought that I made it perfectly clear how I feel about warlocks and their uses; and well, you're not exactly improving your kind's reputation…" He nodded toward Jem's bedroom.

Tessa was paralyzed. She felt her face flush, but her face wasn't the only thing that was burning. Old wounds were opening, and a new shame flamed through her as she finally processed what she and Jem had done. She opened her mouth to defend herself, but what could she possibly say? She had willingly made a choice to spend the night with him. With this knowledge Will could slander her reputation and ruin her. She looked into his hard unforgiving blue eyes. He was merciless. Hot tears that she hadn't realized she'd been holding back, slid down her cheek.

"I want you to stay away from him," Will repeated, but his voice wasn't as harsh as before. His hands on her shoulder were gentle. Her tears were making him uncomfortable. "You don't understand Jem. He's not the sort of person who needs to be caught up with a warlock especially now when -"

"He's dying," Tessa whispered. Will tried to brush it aside like he always did, but this time Tessa wouldn't let him.

"You don't understand," he repeated mechanically.

"I think I understand a lot more than you think, Will," she continued, pitching her voice low. "I found him last night. I know, Will. I _know_."

Once again she felt his fingernails digging into her arms, but Tessa bore the pain willingly. She welcomed it, realizing that Will was not as unfeeling as he pretended to be. Will might hate her and be indifferent to everyone else, but if there was one thing that he cared about it had to be Jem. When Will's eyes met hers, the anger drained out of her and she trembled.

"It was awful. I've never seen him like that. I don't know how you-" She cut herself off and swallowed hard. She flashed back to the night before when she had to hold Jem down. The moment when she thought he had taken his last breath would be forever imprinted in her mind. But when he finally breathed again, the relief had been dizzying. "He's all right, but I wasn't sure, so I stayed with him," she said, answering the question Will was too afraid to ask. She knew that wasn't the only reason she spent the night with Jem, but that was something private between herself and Jem.

"I didn't ask," Will said, stubbornly reclaiming the facade.

"But you were going to," she said softly, feeling an almost annoying sense of pity for this boy that had just said some horrible things to her. They stood there in silence with the truth that Will refused to accept, hanging in the air between them.

"If you know what's best for you and Jem, you'll stay away from him," he finally said gruffly. The words struck her hard. She knew that in a way Will was right. It would probably be better for her to stay away from Jem, but the thought made her heart plunge. There was so little time. Perhaps it was selfish, but she wasn't ready to say her goodbye yet.

"Jem is more than capable of making his own choices without your interference," she argued. "Now, unhand me."

"You're making a terrible mistake," he warned.

"Let go of me, Mr. Herondale."

To her surprise, he yielded. She felt his hands leave her shoulders as he stepped back.

"Remember what I said. If I catch you again with him-"

Tessa shoved past him and went into her bedroom. She slammed the door shut in his face, throwing herself down on the bed. His fingers had left faint bruises on her arms, but it was always the wounds beneath the skin that hurt the most. This time, though, Will wasn't the only one that Tessa was thinking about.

* * *

The room was bright when Sophie came to wake her. Tessa hadn't realized that she had drifted off again, missing breakfast and sleeping well into the morning.

"Was Master Jem all right?" she asked almost shyly as she helped Tessa dress. Tessa had to busy herself with something on the vanity so Sophie wouldn't notice her blush.

"Yes, he was fine when I left him," Tessa assured her. She chose not to mention that she had only left him after being physically dragged from his warm bed the next morning by his ill tempered parabatai.

"Thank you again, Miss Tessa," Sophie smiled gratefully. At least she had one person that might defend her if Will accused her of being a warlock harlot. Then again, Sophie didn't know that she had climbed into bed with Jem after she left. Considering that Sophie secretly loved Jem, Tessa didn't think that she would be as willing to stand up to her after that revelation. Tessa bit back a sigh as she followed Sophie from the room.

To take her mind off everything Tessa decided to wander down to the library. She could really use a good novel after the night and the morning that she'd had. God only knew what Jem thought of her climbing into his bed like a brash hussy. The Angel knew that's what Will thought of her and he had made it perfectly clear that he could besmirch her reputation at any moment.

She bit her lip, wondering how she could possibly explain what happened between her and Jem if Will did decide to scandalize her. The truth was that they were both scared and upset so they comforted one another. That night comfort had come in the form of sharing a bed, and sleeping in one another's arms. They hadn't done any of the things that Will would imply, but Tessa found that there was a voice in the back of her mind whispering that perhaps she wouldn't have minded all that much if they had…

Blushing, she suppressed a wild fantastical thought of a bare-chested Jem glowing in the moonlight, and looked up to discover that she'd been so wrapped up in her mind that she had passed the library several minutes ago. Berating her foolishness, she turned to go, but the sound of raised male voices arrested her in mid-step. She looked around, but saw no one. They must have come from the weapon's room.

"This is about Tessa again, isn't it Will?"

Tessa recognized the sound of Jem's voice and caught both of the names that rolled off his tongue. The library would have to be put off a little longer, because her feet were already in motion, propelling her forward. She pressed against the wall, tiptoeing toward the doorway.

"No, Jem, this is about you. I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine, Will."

"You don't look fine," Will observed. Tessa had finally gotten close enough to steal a peek. The two boys were facing each other across the table; the glowing blade between them was forgotten. Will was wrong. With his bright silver eyes, his tousled pale hair, and the slightest tinge of color in his cheeks, Jem had never looked better to her. Seeing him standing there, dressed and so very alive, Tessa felt her heart skip a beat.

"You don't look fine either, but I suspect that's because you don't sleep anymore," Jem said, smiling ruefully. He stepped back from the table and folded his arms across his chest. "What's your story this time Will? Was it Six-Fingered Nigel or a night of reckless gambling? Was it a night of drunken abandonment or did a ravishing young woman hold you hostage for all hours of the night?"

"You know I wasn't doing any of those things," Will snapped, lowering his voice. "But I know that you had a woman in your bed."

Tessa sucked in a breath; her face flaming and her heart hammering in her chest. So, this was it, she thought mournfully. Will was going to ruin her. He had probably already informed Charlotte, possibly even Henry and Jessamine. She'd have to leave the Institute, and London, and Jem. Her chest constricted painfully as her eyes fixated on the beautiful boy.

Jem wasn't as surprised as she expected him to be. His eyes did widen fractionally, the color in his cheeks heightening slightly; but it was almost as if he had been waiting for it. After a minute of stunned silence, he uncrossed his arms and leaned his hands on the table.

"So, this _is_ about Tessa," he said, giving Will a gentle but probing gaze that he couldn't ignore. Will's mouth tightened into a thin angry line and his eyes slid away from Jem's. It was the wordless answer that Jem needed.

"Will, I'm not blind," Jem continued so softly that Tessa had to strain to catch his voice. "I saw the way you looked at her when you first brought her here. I saw the way she looked at you too." Jem's voice was smooth and soft, but it pierced through her, affecting her in a heart-wrenching manner that was meant for Will. But Will was indifferent. His lack of a reaction made it more painful for Tessa because she couldn't tear herself away.

"I understand how easy it is to like Tessa," Jem said, smiling beatifically. "She's a pretty girl and she's so wonderfully different from other women with her compassion, her humor, her intelligence, and her spirit." Tessa was startled by his compliments, but she reminded herself that Jem always saw the best in people (including Will) and was almost too unfailingly kind.

"What I don't understand, Will, is why you're hurting the poor girl." The smile was gone, but Jem was still watching Will closely.

Will's head jerked up as if he was noticing Jem for the first time.

"Girl?" he echoed. "She's not just a _girl_." He straightened up and shook his black hair out of his eyes. This time it was Will who regarded Jem with a look of disappointment. "James, you're missing a very important detail. Tessa's a warlock and a downworlder," he spat the words out like they were venom. Tessa flinched as if she had been slapped. The words burned in her ears.

"Stop that," Jem scolded him, but he had gone ghostly white and was gripping the table.

"Stop what? Telling the truth?" Will asked, flashing him a careless grin.

"She's human," Jem insisted.

"She's _half_ human and half _demon_," Will corrected him.

"She's human in all the ways that matter!" Jem let go of the table and stepped around it toward Will. The other boy shrugged and turned his back on his friend.

"Ah, yes, her anatomy is definitely entirely human. I suppose you know all about that now, don't you, James?" Will smirked. Jem blushed and lowered his eyes. Will seemed to have won the argument and made for the door, but Jem reached out and caught his arm.

"Will, why do you act like this? I don't understand, she did nothing to deserve this kind of poor treatment from you."

"What's so difficult for you to understand, James?" Will asked coldly. "She's not one of us. She's not even human. Her kind can't reproduce, isn't that proof enough for you that she's a monstrous anomaly? I agree that she would make a pretty harlot but in the end she's nothing more than another filthy downworlder."

Jem's eyes widened and Tessa felt as if she'd just had the wind knocked out of her. She groped for the wall so that her knees wouldn't give out on her.

"You don't mean that," Jem said quietly. His wide eyes were pleading with Will to reel the words back in. Will's lips quirked at the corners as if he was amused, but his eyes were so hard and masked that even bullets wouldn't have shattered that armor. Tessa's heart sunk as she braced herself for the worst.

"If you must know, James, she kissed me," Will confessed smugly, "but even I have my limits when it comes to the allure of downworlders. When I refused any further advances she went crawling into your bed like a common whore-"

"You're lying! Take it back!" Jem ordered, his face flushing and flooding with an alarming amount of color. His eyes were a furious, unforgiving silver.

"I knew you wouldn't put her in her place, so I took the liberty of telling her myself. No need to thank me, James."

Tessa felt as if she'd just been delivered a painful blow to the stomach. Not only had Will exposed her and Jem, but he had then destroyed the privacy and intimacy of the kisses that they had shared, twisting and warping it so that it transformed her into a woman that belonged in the brothel house that he had rescued her from. It no longer mattered how Will saw her, but she cared about how Jem would feel about her after hearing that. Tessa wanted to march into the room and put her hands around Will's neck, squeezing until his smirk fell away and the cold amusement in his eyes died a painful death.

But Jem got there first. He struck Will across the face, knocking the infernal smirk from his face with a loud crack. Will stumbled backwards, fetching up against the side of the table.

"God damn you Will!" Jem's chest heaved as he stood over his closest friend with clenched fists and barely controlled fury. "Teresa Grey is a young lady that deserves respect and from now on you will treat her like one."

Will clutched the side of his face, gazing up at Jem with round blue eyes as if he hadn't heard a single word. Tessa knew that Will was skilled at hiding his emotional reactions, so Jem must have shocked him in a way he never had before. Jem never let anything Will say affect him and was normally so mild mannered that it was stunning to see him trembling with rage, breathing hard, and struggling to control his anger.

"James-" Will whispered, but the words died in his throat as Jem lifted his hand again. Will automatically flinched away from the raised hand, and this seemed to check Jem's fury. He dropped his hand immediately, as if the full extent of his outburst had just dawned on him, and took several unsteady steps away from Will.

"James," Will tried again.

"Please, leave," Jem told him in a voice that shook with the emotions that he still hadn't quite gotten under control. When Will didn't immediately obey, Jem raised his voice and unleashed the last of his anger in the form of two words: "Get out!"

Will practically tripped over his own feet in his haste to exit the room. Tessa had been so transfixed by the scene that she didn't bother to run or hide herself. Luckily, Will was in such a daze that he went the opposite way without seeing her. Tessa breathed a sigh of relief and stepped back from the doorway as he passed out of sight.

The sound caught Jem's attention and his gaze snapped to the doorway before she could escape. Tessa froze in place, wondering if he had seen her, wondering if he would know that she had overheard them, wondering how angry he'd be.

"Tessa? Tessa, is that you?" his voice was soft, and though it wasn't as steady as it usually was, it was still gentle.

Tessa carefully stepped into the weapon's room, revealing herself to him. She tried her best to look innocent because she knew that eavesdropping on a conversation like that was a sinful violation of privacy. Jem stood with one hand gripping the table for support and the other hand clenched into a tight fist. His face was still flushed and full of unusually hard lines; his posture stiff and tense. It was the turmoil in his silvery eyes that broke her. He saw the immediate change in her expression and he knew that she knew. In three quick strides, he crossed the room and closed the door behind her.

"How much did you overhear?" he asked, watching her closely. This would've been one of those rare moments when it would have been acceptable to lie, but Tessa could never lie to Jem. She lifted her eyes to his and he sighed as if he could see everything that she had saw just by looking at her.

"You shouldn't have witnessed that," he said, shaking his head and suddenly looking exhausted.

"I know, and I'm sorry, Jem," she apologized, glancing down at her hands. And she was sorry, so sorry; but she had been punished sufficiently enough. Will's harsh words would burn in her mind forever. She would remember her place from now on.

"No, Tessa, look at me." She felt the light touch of his hand on her shoulder as he stepped closer to her. It was the same hand that had struck Will, but now it handled her as if she were something delicate and breakable, something treasured and precious.

"Will's a liar," he told her firmly. Jem was trying to make her feel better but Tessa could feel the sharp familiar pinprick that meant she was going to cry. She forced them back, swallowing past the painful lump forming in her throat. Jem was right; Will was a liar. But there had been a thin lining of truth to his words and Jem deserved to hear it.

"Not everything he said was a lie," Tessa whispered, clasping her hands in front of her and focusing hard on them. She vividly recalled the warning that Will had given her earlier that morning and a part of her knew that he was right. Jem would be better off without her, so she steeled herself to convince him of the truth of Will's lies.

"Will and I – we did-" her voice faltered as she grappled with words that should've come easily to her. Jem moved closer to her and his fingers traced her shoulder; soothing her with feathery strokes that she felt through the thick fabric of her sleeve. When he spoke, his voice was soft and calming in her ears.

"I know what happened, Tessa. And I know that he wouldn't affect you like this if it hadn't meant something to you."

Tessa closed her eyes, focusing on the warm pressure of his touch, just as she had done during her first frightening transformation into Camille.

"I thought that he liked me," Tessa whispered, and she hated the way her voice cracked.

"He did – he does," he corrected himself hastily, but Tessa had heard him and her eyes opened in time to catch the flicker of doubt. Jem reached to take her other shoulder so that she was forced to look at him. "Tessa, he didn't mean any of the horrible things that he said."

Tessa wished she could have believed Jem, but she knew – they both knew – that Jem wouldn't have hit Will unless Jem had been sure that Will _had_ meant it. Her eyes started to burn again and she bowed her head, blinking back tears.

"Tessa." She felt his hands leave her shoulders, slowly sliding down the length of her arms until they reached her clasped hands. Her arms tingled in the wake of his touch and her fingers relaxed, allowing him to gently detach one of her hands from the other. He had done it before, but she was still shocked when he took her hand and delicately brought it to his lips. The touch of his mouth was so light that she wondered if she had imagined it, but he did not release her hand.

"Tessa, I can't answer for Will, but I can tell you that I meant what I said. You're-" he stopped to clear his throat, keeping his eyes trained on the hand that he still held in front of her. The pad of his thumb brushed over her knuckles, causing her pulse to jump as his silvery eyes met hers. "You're a beautiful young woman that deserves to be treated with respect and-" He was hesitating again, as if there was something more that he wanted to say but he was holding himself back. His eyes bore into hers with an intensity that Tessa was unfamiliar with but did strange things to her heart beat. She waited on bated breath before he finally said,

"And I'll make sure that William remembers that."

Tessa sensed that that wasn't all that Jem wanted to say to her, but it was a reminder that he had in fact just struck his closest friend because he had been disrespectful toward her. Before he could drop her hand, Tessa's fingers laced through his as another thought gripped her.

"Do you think he'll tell Charlotte about…" she tapered off, blushing. Jem's cheeks turned a soft, fleeting shade of pink. Tessa was momentarily distracted by how adorable and becoming a blush was on Jem's usually pale face.

"No," Jem reassured her quickly, "I don't think that he'll tell anyone."

"But how can you be so sure?" she pressed, anxiously tightening her hold on his fingers.

To her surprise, Jem smiled and brought his free hand up to touch one of her rosy cheeks. His fingers were cool against his skin which is why it was so strange that the feel of his hand on her face made her skin ignite into flames. His fingers swept over her cheek, tucking a wayward curl behind her ear so that he could lean forward and whisper:

"You don't have to worry about him, Tessa. You might find this hard to believe, but I have enough blackmail material on William Herondale to fill a scandalous novel."

Tessa laughed as he drew back to watch her through silver eyes sparkling with amusement. She laid a hand on his arm to support herself as she struggled to catch her breath.

"Just think of how Charlotte will react when you tell her what he's done with Six-Fingered Nigel," Tessa giggled and was rewarded with the sound of his laughter. They leaned into each other until their giggles and snorts of laughter subsided.

The last laugh died in her throat when she noticed that she was the only one laughing. Jem had sobered up and was gazing at her with the same intensity as before. It was then that she realized how close they were standing. She had her hand on her arm and her other was still wrapped up in his. His arm had wound around her waist at some point to steady them both. They had spent last night in each other's arms; but somehow, standing here in the weapons room in broad daylight, this was different. There were no tears, no blankets, and no darkness to hide behind. It was just her and Jem, and they were alone in the weapons room, and standing so very close together.

Tessa's heart was hammering so hard in her chest that she wondered how Jem couldn't hear it. Perhaps he did hear it, and that was why he was staring at her as if he had never seen her before. Tessa licked her lips and his eyes seemed to darken as they followed the movement of her tongue. His fingers tightened on her waist as if he was going to pull her against him. And for a half confused moment, Tessa truly thought that he was going to lean down and kiss her.

But Jem did not kiss her, because suddenly the door beside them flew open with a bang. Tessa and Jem were so startled that they froze in place, caught in the act. Fortunately, the red-headed man was too flustered and too busy conversing with himself to notice. Henry bustled into the room like a colorful hurricane; nearly tripping over a particularly dangerous metal object and knocking over a display of swords before he found what he was looking for. His face lit up as he fished something small and glowing out of the debris; and then just as quickly as he had appeared, he was gone, slamming the door shut behind him.

Tessa blinked at the closed door before turning to Jem.

"Well, that was-"

"Henry being Henry?" Jem supplied, grinning, but not without affection for the ginger haired man. "Don't worry, you'll get used to it." Jem's grin was infectious and Tessa found herself grinning back, even though a part of her was cursing Henry for interrupting them.

They had let go of each other, but they were still standing close. The charged moment between them had ended with Henry's arrival. Jem's eyes had returned to their usual hue of silver and were no longer scrutinizing her with an intensity that caused her heart rate to sky rocket. Tessa was relieved, but at the same time she felt as if she had been reading a thrilling novel, and right when she got to the best part – the book had slammed shut and hidden itself away. Tessa desperately wanted to know what would have happened if Henry hadn't shattered the moment. Jem was smiling again and was as polite and warm as he always was, but she sensed that he had closed a part of himself off from her, tucking it away somewhere in the back shelves.

"Well, I should probably clean this place up," Jem said, gesturing at the mess that hurricane Henry had left in its wake.

Tessa recognized the dismissal. She smiled, trying to hide her disappointment. Of course he had things to do; even if he was ill, he was still a Shadowhunter with responsibilities.

"I was on my way to the library," Tessa recollected.

"Watch out for Will," Jem warned her. "Sometimes he lurks in there when he's upset."

Tessa was surprised when Jem mentioned Will and she felt nothing. Jem had successfully distracted her and lifted her spirits. Even if he hadn't kissed her, he had soothed away her worries and cheered her up.

"If he insults you in any way or form, I want you to tell me or Charlotte." His face grew serious. "He has no right to treat you in that manner and I'll remind him that you deserve better."

Tessa smiled softly at Jem, wondering what she would do without him. He was more than her friend; he was her valiant white knight. When she had first met Will she had mistakenly thought that he had been a hero from a novel sent to rescue her and sweep her off her feet. She had been wrong. Her hero had taken on another form.

"Jem," she said.

Jem turned to look at her. Tessa closed the space between them in a few tentative steps. He stiffened as she laid a light hand on his shoulder, dangerously close to the bare white skin of his neck.

"Tessa?" his voice was strained.

Before she lost her nerve or got distracted, she leaned forward to press a kiss on his cheek. His skin was warmer than she had expected, and so soft that she let her lips linger there. She caught a whiff of his scent and forced herself to withdraw her lips before she did something silly like sniffing his hair.

"Thank you, Jem, for everything," she whispered with one last shy smile. She hurried from the room before he could see the steady blush that crept up her neck and consumed her face.

When the shock had worn off, Jem smiled and touched the spot where her lips had been. Several minutes passed before he dropped his hand and finally tore his gaze away from the doorway. He could feel the imprint of her lips on his cheek for the rest of the day.

**A/N: I apologize profusely for my grammatical errors and run on repetitive scenes, I did not have a beta for this chapter. I'm sorry for the delay too, the holidays were hectic, I'm having a difficult time figuring out my life, and I was disappointed with how the chapter turned out. I still am, even after months of trying to piece it together. It seems like every fic has a scene exactly like this one, but I feel like it's an important part to the relationship between Will, Jem, and Tessa. Before Jem and Tessa can move forward they have to deal with Will, because it is a love triangle, and all three of them do love each other in their own ways. So this was my idea of how the scene might go and hopefully you'll get some enjoyment out of reading it. Should I continue? **


	4. Part 4

**The White Knight**

**By Hazelmist**

**Summary: He was her white knight but he was no angel… He didn't flinch, he shivered where she touched him and shut his eyes. "Tessa."He cleared his throat…Jem/Tessa.**

**Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Cassandra Clare. **

**A/N: Holy guacamole it's been a while! I'd like to thank every single person that left me a review. I love you all. I FINALLY READ CLOCKWORK PRINCE AND CLOCKWORK PRINCESS! And OMG the whole triology was so perfect and totally worth the wait. I love, love, love how she treated the relationship between Jem, Tessa and Will, and I loved all the new characters, and my only regret was that it had to come to an end. I mean I LOVED the ending, but I'm really going to miss those three kids that we first met in Clockwork Angel. That having been said, this was started BEFORE CP and CP2! I had a very rough idea of what I was planning on doing before I read either one of those books and I'm going to continue on that path picking and choosing what I want or don't want to include.**

**PART 4**

Tessa sat in the library with a novel in her lap that failed to hold her attention. Her gaze once again was on the courtyard below. Had it been two week since she had seen the pair come in: her white knight and his darker counterpart? Only days ago, Will in all his complexities and novel beauty had been the primary focus of her attention. Jem had been like an angel, something so ethereal that she wasn't worthy to touch him, but he had still paled in comparison to her lingering smoldering feelings for Will. Somehow, even with his flaws, Will had seemed more human and more capable of returning her love. After her hallway encounter with Jem, though, her view of both beautiful boys had shifted and everything had begun to change.

Her eyes searched the courtyard, seeking out the boy that was never far from her thoughts now. He had accompanied Charlotte on Shadowhunting business and wasn't to be expected for hours, but she couldn't help but look for any sign of the carriage that would bear the tiny strong woman that ran the Institute and the boy with the pale hair and eyes that could brighten like stars when he smiled. It surprised her when she realized that more than anyone, she wanted Jem by her side to give her that reassuring smile she so desperately needed.

But it wasn't Jem she was waiting for in the library.

"I got your note."

Tessa jumped and the novel slid off her lap. Will caught it before it hit the floor. He straightened up and their gazes met. His eyes stroked over her with an intensity that Tessa couldn't ignore, and Tessa wondered how it was possible with those eyes that he'd managed to get so close without her sensing his presence. With a jolt, she realized she had been distracted_ again_ by her thoughts of Jem. And that was why she had called him here, despite how much revulsion and pain it might cause in either party.

"Will, we need to discuss something."

"I know," Will agreed. He paged through the book she'd been reading and made a face. "We should probably begin with your questionable taste in books. I've read a thirteen year-old girl's diary and this novel is _worse_ than that, then again I did quite enjoy the diary, mostly because it featured me and the author spent a considerable amount of time singing my praises."

Tessa stood and snatched the book back from him, even if she couldn't help but agree with him about the quality of this particular novel. She didn't even want to know if he was telling the truth about the poor girl's diary.

"I didn't call you here to discuss our reading habits," she snapped, tossing the book aside. "I wanted to talk to you about something important."

"Reading is important," Will insisted stubbornly. Tessa almost smiled because it was probably the only thing they still agreed on, reading and of course, their mutual concern for Jem. Taking a deep breath, she plowed forward.

"I want to talk to you about Jem."

Will's face closed off immediately. If he had been still holding the book, Tessa was sure he would've hurled it at something, probably her. It took a great deal of effort, but he managed to hold himself in check and even adopt his usual mask of careless indifference.

"This is disappointing. I was so hoping you'd come here to tell me you were secretly running away with our sweet Jessamine instead."

"_What?_" Tessa was so flabbergasted that Will smirked.

"Well, she has been sneaking out on a regular basis, dressed as a boy as a matter of fact, I just assumed that maybe she was going to visit our resident –"

"Stop it!" Tessa cut him off with enough force that he shut up for once. "I have no idea what you're going on about with Jessamine, but I'm not running away with Jessamine or anyone else for that matter!"

"But I thought you said Jem-"

"Jem and I are not – I mean to say that we're friends," she corrected herself, knowing that it was an inadequate choice of words to describe what exactly was going on between her and Jem. Ever since the night she'd spent in his bed and the brief moment they'd shared in the Weapon's room, Tessa had been thinking about Jem in a whole new light but she would never act on it. When she encountered Jem, he was warm toward her and as reassuring and kind as ever, but she feared that he saw her as nothing more than a friend. And that was fine, especially since Will had been partially right about one thing.

"He's running out of time, Will. Isn't he? Jem told me about the dead Warlock. He's nearly out of the drug now, but he told me the Clave, or Charlotte, or you had some set aside – " She stopped herself when she saw his face fall. "You don't have anymore, do you?"

Will neither confirmed nor denied it, but Tessa could see everything in the slackness of his features and his frightening pallor. It reminded her of the doctor they'd called on for her dear Aunt Harriet, moments before he gave her the harsh diagnosis of her imminent death. Tessa had to shift her focus to something above his left shoulder and clasp her hands in front of her to keep them from shaking, just so that she could continue.

"But perhaps the Clave – or surely Charlotte must have-"

Will turned around and left the Library before she could end the sentence.

"Will, I'm not finished!" she protested but he was already in the hall, well out of ear shot. "WILL! Wait!" With a muffled groan, she gathered her skirts and chased him out into the corridor.

The witchlight torches flared up as he passed, making it easy for Tessa to track him through the Institute even as he picked up speed and she struggled with the ruffled skirts of Jessamine's latest torture instrument. She was so focused on the light and her silly dress that she nearly ran right past him. Noticing the dimness of the torches up ahead, she slowed to catch her breath. And a hand reached out from one of the doorways and yanked her inside the room.

Tessa gasped as Will slammed the door shut and spun her around to face her. He shoved her too hard and her back hit the wall with a bruising force.

"What was that for?" she demanded, wincing. But all of her confusion vanished when she realized what he was holding in his hand.

They were in Jem's room and Will now held the silver box that contained Jem's medicine. He flicked it open and held it out toward her. She looked inside and saw to her disappointment, that though the box contained more of the silvery powder than the last time she had peeked inside, it was still low, frighteningly low.

"In answer to your question," Will began haltingly as if each word hurt as it whistled through his gritted teeth. "I did have an emergency stash. It should have lasted Jem two months, maybe three. And after that night - when you – when you found him. I gave him everything that I had."

"So, this is it?" Tessa whispered. She reached out a hand toward the box, horrified and awed that something so benign looking could measure the amount of time one had. And Will slammed the lid back down, nearly taking her fingers with it.

Will locked the box up with infinite care and gently replaced it on the bedside table. He stepped back from it, but didn't seem to be able to bring himself to look at her. Instead he caught hold of the bedpost, focusing on the violin that Jem had absently left on his bed that morning.

"What's left in that box will give him three weeks, probably less since he seems to be taking three times as much as he used to," he said bitterly. "We emptied Charlotte's stash months ago and the Clave gave up what little they had years ago when they turned Jem over to the Institute. The Warlock that we usually went through is dead and though we've searched it's unfortunately a rare commodity, so rare that there may not be any more left in the world."

Tessa felt that sinking feeling that was becoming alarmingly familiar when it came to discussing Jem's future. For a split second, she saw a future scene before her, where Will and her stood in this very room, gazing at Jem's violin and grieving the beautiful soul that had bound both of them. Without Jem's physical presence, the room was already beginning to feel like a cold and empty tomb that threatened to close in around them both with the gravity of an impending loss. But Jem wasn't dead yet, far from it. Forcing the morbid images aside, Tessa took a deep breath and approached Will.

"Will," she said softly. He looked up and for a moment there was a flash of something raw and painful that confirmed the fact he'd forgotten about her altogether. It still shocked her that though Will may not have the capability to love anyone else, he did love Jem. Their bond was years in the making and she believed that it ran deeper than any of the friendships or familial ties she'd ever had. And that was how she knew that no matter how much Will despised her, he had to be the one to help her.

"I know you stopped looking for a cure –"

"_I_ didn't stop," Will interrupted her, his blue eyes flashing. "I _never _stopped looking."

He abruptly let go of the bedpost and moved toward her. His hands reached out toward her, to shake her or hold her, she wasn't sure. She took an involuntary step back and he instantly caught himself. He lowered his arms to his sides, clenching and unclenching his fists. When he finally did speak, it was in a measured tone, but Tessa could tell but the way he was breathing, that he hadn't quite regained control.

"Tessa, I may not be able to spend all of my time in search of his cure, especially when he explicitly told me to stop. But that doesn't mean that I didn't spend endless hours researching in the library and countless nights talking to Downworlders. I know more about that demon drug than he probably does, but no matter how much time I devote to the search, sometimes Tess, you have to accept that you're never going to find what you're looking for. You're going to have to accept that this isn't a bloody novel and that not everyone gets the ending that they want or deserve. The truth is that you're going to lose the ones you love and that there is nothing, absolutely nothing you can do about it."

He spat the last words out with such venom that Tessa wondered if this wasn't just about Jem. But there was no time for questions, especially now that the anger had finally drained out of Will. Now he just looked tired and sad. Tessa knew that she had to act now.

"Will, what if there was something you could do about it?"

"There isn't," he said, and when he looked at her his face was blank and his eyes were empty. Her heart ached for him. A sudden impulse to hold him and reassure him that everything was going to be okay came over her but she knew that he wouldn't allow that. Instead when she spoke her voice was like the caress he would never accept from her again.

"Will, you know that there is something that you can do," she said softly. Carefully, she inched closer to him and the request she had to make on Jem's behalf. "Let me help you, Will."

To her surprise, Will's face softened. He laid a heavy hand on her shoulder with a startling gentleness. A helpless weariness accompanied the words that followed.

"Tessa, you can't help me. There's nothing more I can do for him."

Tessa looked up into his face, taking in the dark half moons beneath his eyes and the fine lines she could have sworn weren't there when he first caught the book as it slid off her lap in the library. She fought the impulse to touch his face and smooth the lines and the shadows away. She wondered if Will would allow her to touch him if she were an ordinary mundane or a Shadowhunter or if it didn't matter. Perhaps he pushed everyone away, everyone except Jem. She cleared her throat.

"Maybe_ you_ can't do anything more for him. But_ I_ can."

Will looked at her and then his eyes narrowed as if he had already predicted what she was about to suggest. Or perhaps he didn't know, he just knew that he was going to disagree with whatever she had to say. He was right of course.

"No," he cut her off before she'd finished explaining what she wanted to do, shaking his head. "Absolutely not."

"Well, then, I guess if you're not going to help me then I'll just have to do it alone."

She brushed past him, and after a quick scan of the room she went straight for the silver box.

"Stop!"

Will was between her and the box before she'd taken more than two steps. His face was pale and his eyes were bright with anger, but there was a resignation there.

"Fine," he sighed, rubbing a hand up over his face and into his hair. Inhaling, he crossed his arms over his chest and glared down at her. "I'll help you, but you do exactly what I tell you to do. Don't touch anything unless I give it to you and under no circumstances should James ever find out about this, understood?"

Tessa nodded, ducking her head to hide her triumphant smile.

"And just remember that this wasn't my idea," Will grumbled. He took out his stele and marked the door, and then with a muffled curse he started searching Jem's room for her.

The first thing that he brought her was the violin. Tessa raised her eyebrows, wondering if this was a test. Perhaps Will wasn't taking her seriously at all and just wanted to see her transform into a man and parade herself around the room like a fool.

"It was originally his father's," was all Will would say, when she did eventually look up at him with some skepticism.

Warily, Tessa closed her eyes. She had changed enough times that she knew how to recognize the imprint without transforming herself bodily. The moment her fingers positioned themselves on the strings of the instrument, she knew who she would become. It would be a sinful invasion of privacy, she told herself firmly, but curiosity was a fickle friend. Perhaps, she could take a peek, just a tiny glimpse, she mused as one of her fingers plucked at the second string and then the third. Sweet trilling notes resounded through the room and she felt the pull before she could stop it.

It was terribly easy to wrap herself around that instrument as those few notes swelled to a crescendo, swallowing her whole and bringing her through the darkness and back up into the light before the echoes had been lost to the air. There hadn't been anything stopping her, she thought, because there was nothing to hide. A level of openness was here that she hadn't encountered before. She could feel Jem's overwhelming kindness, his intelligence, his mildness, his gentle sense of humor, and his inner strength, easing her through the transition like the hand that had kept hold of her when she had changed into Camille. And now those were her long elegant fingers, gliding over the instrument with practice, bringing forth the notes in a playful _pizzicato_. She smiled and she saw herself in his mind's eye, just for a confused moment, and then she felt a sharp shooting pain and doors started slamming shut. She let go of the instrument, letting go of her hold on Jem with a soft gasp.

"Tessa?"

Abruptly, she found herself back in Jem's bedroom, seated on the trunk at the foot of his bed. Will hovered over her anxiously with the violin in one hand.

"Are you alright?"

Tessa nodded, folding and unfolding her fingers that now smelt of rosin.

"You shouldn't have done that," Will scolded her. All of his concern was gone and his face loomed over her like a black storm cloud. Tessa marveled at the fact that even when he was so angry, his face was still so much more masked and clouded when compared to Jem. Jem was so open with his kindness that he'd let her in immediately. It was only when she'd caught sight of herself that his mind had shuttered itself and she had felt the sudden pain. Shuddering, she wondered if that was a result of losing the change or if Will had forced her out of it _because_ he knew she had felt Jem's pain.

"I think we should stop this," Will was voicing his disapproval yet again.

"No." Tessa clasped her hands in front of her, remembering that brief moment when they had been longer and musically inclined. She had barely scratched the surface of Jem's mind, but it made her all the more determined to save him. She wanted to know everything about him.

"You're completely mad if you think that this is going to help," Will told her.

"Well, I'd like to see you come up with a better idea," Tessa huffed. Will just shook his head and murmured something under his breath that sounded a lot like Welsh. Tossing the violin back onto the bed, he resumed his search.

This time he was a lot more careful about what he selected for Tessa. He handed Tessa a small sword with an engraved hilt, but Tessa immediately felt the tangible imprint of Jem and reluctantly gave it back to him with a slight shake of her head. A few more of Jem's things were turned over to her but these either evoked the same response in her or gave her nothing to go on at all.

"This is stupid and a waste of time," Will complained. "I had high hopes that I would be thoroughly drunk at the Devil's Tavern by this hour," he lamented, "Instead I'm cleaning my _parabatai_'s room. If I had known that this would be a necessary obligation that came with the partnership, I never would have asked James to be my _parabatai_."

Tessa knew he was just as frustrated and disappointed as she was that her plan didn't seem to be working, but it didn't make her any less annoyed with him for making sure she knew it.

"My apologies, Mr. Herondale," she replied stiffly. "I suppose your plan to thoroughly ruin your reputation will have to be put on hold. You'll have to give your regards to poor Six-Fingered Nigel."

He gave her a terrible grin that never quite reached his eyes.

"If anyone catches me cleaning his room, I'm going to convince Charlotte to let Jessamine take you shopping every day for the next fortnight," he threatened with a wicked glint in his eyes.

"Don't be ridiculous, Will. No one could possibly want to shop that often," Tessa retorted, but Will's grin widened.

"Obviously, you don't know Jessamine very well," he chuckled darkly.

"And obviously, you don't know _Jem_ very well, either," Tessa said sharply, finally realizing what was at the heart of the matter.

Will's head snapped up, but he didn't turn. He had shooed her to the other side of the room and had been rummaging through Jem's trunk for several minutes, reorganizing it as he went along. But now he slammed the lid shut with a bang and locked it.

"What do you want from me, Tessa?" he demanded, standing and rounding on her suddenly. Tessa tried desperately to put what she needed into words and to tamp down on her own frustration. She gestured wildly with her hands as she spoke.

"You already know what I want. I need something, like a watch, or a hair ribbon, or a ring, something that belonged to them."

Will was fuming by this point and he wasn't even bothering to mask it from her. It poured out of him in a wave of biting sarcasm.

"Of course, let me just find Jem's hair ribbon collection, I'm sure it's around here somewhere. I do hope he has something that matches my eyes –"

"Will, please," Tessa hissed, bringing a hand to her aching head. He had called her mad, but he was the one that was driving her to that madness.

"Since you asked nicely, I suppose I could find something for you as well, and then we'll go looking for his jewelry box so I can find a bracelet that won't clash with all the ichor and demon's blood and a nice set of earrings for myself –" Will stopped abruptly.

"What?" Tessa barked.

Will roughly pushed her aside and moved with purpose back toward the wardrobe. He flung the doors open and started pulling various articles of Jem's clothing out of it.

"Will what are you doing?" Tessa wondered, watching in horror as Will made quick work of the wardrobe. When he had tossed nearly everything out of it, and Tessa was about to stop him, he finally emerged victoriously, clutching something in his fist.

"I've got it," he said to her, gesturing for her to come closer. Tessa waded through what had been left behind in the wake of Will's madness until she was standing in front of him. He cracked open his fist and Tessa saw a silver ring. It was very much like the one Will wore, but this one was engraved with a castle tower.

"It's Jem's," he confirmed. "But it belonged to his father and Jem rarely ever wears it. I think he wanted to preserve it because it is the last thing he has left of his parents or perhaps it's simply a reminder of the bad memories…" His eyes flickered up to Tessa's and she saw a flash of worry.

"Tessa, maybe you shouldn't do this," he suggested hesitantly, closing his fingers over it.

"Maybe not, but that wouldn't have stopped you," she replied boldly meeting his gaze.

His fingers were clenched around the piece of metal so tightly that they had turned a bloodless white. But when her fingers brushed over them, they trembled and sprung open like the petals of a flower. She extracted the ring from his calloused palm and held it between her fingers.

She could already feel the imprint, and this time it wasn't Jem's touch that brushed at the corner of her consciousness, but someone unfamiliar. The look that Will was giving her was unfamiliar as well. He was anxious, but he was wary too as if he wasn't quite sure what to make of her. She remembered when months ago, while practicing in Camille's form, Jem had once casually asked her if she could do exactly what she was about to do now. She recalled the alarmed look on Will's face as he'd warned them both against the idea and seeing it now again, she began to suspect why he had been so reluctant to agree to her plan. Swallowing hard, she tucked Jem's father's ring into her hand and hid it behind her back.

"Jem will never have to know," she reassured him.

Outside night had begun to fall. When Will looked at her, his eyes were the same shade the night sky would have been if only the thick London fog would have allowed it.

"Let's hope so," he said thickly. His eyes traveled downward, raking over her from head to toe. For the first time, Tessa was aware of her appearance. The dress that Jessamine had taken so much time to select had not fared as well as she had expected during her change into Jem. She had forgotten that though he was thin and seemed delicate, Jem was taller than her and still a Shadowhunter. Blushing, she remembered how she had ran her hands over those muscles and been held within the circle of those strong arms.

"I don't quite know what Jem's father looks like, but after scandalously seeing Jem in it, I strongly suggest you change out of that dress, unless you want the poor soul rolling over in his grave," Will recommended, scathingly.

"I can't do that until you leave the room," Tessa reminded him, opening the door for him.

Will seemed to size her up for a minute, but then thought better of it. He marched over to the door, pausing just before he stepped outside.

"Guard the door," she told him. "Don't let anyone in until I'm finished or scandalized souls will be the least of your worries," she threatened him.

Will acted as if he hadn't heard her at all. He lifted his hand as if he was going to touch her arm again, but drew out his stele instead.

"Don't lose yourself, Tessa," he warned her.

Tessa frowned, wondering what he could possibly mean since she'd transformed into hundreds of others and the only problem seemed to be holding the Change, but never losing herself in it. He closed the door behind him, leaving her alone with this thought in Jem's room.

Shaking her head, she picked her way through the clothes that Will had strewn all over the room. It had been very unkind, but made Tessa feel a lot less guilty about stealing an article of Jem's clothing, now that the wardrobe had practically been slashed open and overturned by Will. She knelt down, choosing a collarless white shirt that was obviously to be worn to bed and appeared to be bigger and looser than the others. As she lifted it, she caught a faint whiff of the familiar scent she now associated with Jem and she remembered the last time she'd met him in this room.

Her eyes moved to the bed and her heart skipped a beat. Blushing, she realized that she was breaking all kinds of rules of propriety being here in Jem's room. She was sure, if Charlotte had only known, she would never have approved of her idea. But if it meant saving Jem, Tessa had decided that she would be willing to break almost any rule for him, regardless of the consequences.

She put the ring down on the trunk, turned her back on the bed, and quickly and clumsily started to undress herself. Fortunately, changing into Jem had had its advantages and the dress had been loosened and damaged just enough that she managed to free herself from it without the usual help of Sophie, or God forbid, Will, who was still hopefully standing outside the door on guard. How she was going to get back in the dress was something she didn't want to think about.

She kicked her clothes aside, reveling in the freeness she felt now that the restraining torturous dress was off of her. It felt almost natural to pull on Jem's nightshirt. As she had hoped, it was very big on her, swallowing her up like the Change and yet it felt good on her as it fell softly at her knees. The scent of Jem comforted her and she picked up the ring and sat back down on the trunk at the foot of his bed.

She examined it again, holding it up so that it could catch the last of the natural light that filtered in through the window. Replacing it on her palm, she weighed it and then, almost without thinking, she slipped it onto one of her fingers. The ring to her surprise shrunk to fit her finger like magic. She held her hand up, admiring it, and then she felt it.

The Change came on so fast, that she barely had time to brace herself. The last thought she had, as she bent over and let the Change drag her into the darkness, was that she finally understood what Will had been trying to warn her about. But it was too late.

* * *

_Memories swirled up and around her. But these were his memories. A beautiful woman appeared with long straight black hair that fell to her waist when the long slender pin that had been holding it in place slipped out. Her eyes were the same shape as Jem's but they were as dark as midnight, and yet they somehow shone with a warm light. _

_Her eyes were laughing now as she disarmed him suddenly, with a gracefulness that made it look embarrassingly easy. In awe, he watched as she bent to retrieve his sword and offered it to him with a mischievous smile. She said something in Mandarin, which he was too distracted to fully translate, but she was obviously teasing him, telling him he had to be more careful with a precious sword like that._

"_I think it's too late for that," he told her in Mandarin so bad that she laughed out loud. Their hands brushed as the hilt of his sword passed from one hand to another and there was a spark, so strong that their gazes met and locked. He knew right then that he would never leave Shanghai as long as this lovely woman remained. He would follow her anywhere. _

_The scene shifted and once again Tessa was looking down at the same sword. She immediately recognized the pattern of runes on the hilt. This time though, the pretty woman wasn't present. In her place was a small boy with black hair and dark eyes like the woman. This was their son. He was so short that he could barely see over the high table, but his face was alight with curiosity and almost the same awe that his father had looked at his mother with the first time she'd disarmed him and claimed his heart._

"_This sword is Cortana," he told his son, putting his arm around the boy. "And one day, it will be yours."_

_The boy looked up at his father and Tessa saw that the boy was not so much in awe of the sword, but in awe of his father. And that was why it was such a shock to both Tessa, and the boy's father when the boy politely refused the gift from his father._

"_I don't want it."_

"_Why not?" his father asked in dismay._

"_It's yours," his son said slowly. _

"_Of course, but one day when I'm tired of fighting-"_

"_You're a Shadowhunter. I thought Shadowhunters, never tired of fighting," the boy looked adorably puzzled and his father chuckled._

"_Fine, I won't get tired. But one day, when I'm gone-" he broke off as his son suddenly wrapped his thin arms around him. _

"_What if I don't want you to leave me?" the boy asked, snuggling closer to his father as he hugged the boy to him. He brushed back the boy's hair from his forehead, and the amount of love he felt for this child was almost painfully overwhelming for Tessa. His father sighed._

"_One day, I will leave you, you must understand that."_

"_I'll go after you then! I won't stop until I find you!" the little boy said with a gravity that probably would have been comical if they had been discussing anything else. _

"_My son," he began and shook his head. "This is a place that you cannot follow me to and you will never find this place until it is your time to go. And that will be years, many more years I hope, after I am gone."_

_The boy stilled, resting his head on his father's chest. Then he tilted his head back and looked his father in the eye. _

"_But we will see each other again, won't we?"_

"_Of course, my son," he soothed him. "I'll be waiting for you when it's time."_

_His son was too young to grasp the concept of death and even if he was exceptionally bright for his age, his father hoped he wouldn't have to learn first-hand what death really meant for a long, long time. He wanted to protect his son for as long as he could despite the fact that he knew he would grow up to be a brave Shadowhunter, just like his parents. Their life was a noble one, but it often came at a brutal cost. Turning his back on the sword, he lifted his son into his arms and carried him off to bed._

_And Tessa went hurtling through another whirlwind of memories. She caught snatches and glimpses of the boy and his mother, sometimes together, sometimes separately. There were voices, small bits of conversations that she grasped at as she went hurtling faster and faster toward something up ahead like a bright light that was calling her home. _

_And suddenly she was there, back in the Shanghai Institute, back home. He was running through the Institute, following a scream that left his blood curdling. He leapt over something, glancing down for only a moment to see what it was that was lying on the ground. His stomach churned at the sight and he immediately wished he hadn't looked. The Guards were dead and his wife was screaming. _

_He stopped only to grab Cortana and then he was rushing into the great room of their house and screeching to a stop. His wife had thrown herself into his path, and they stumbled backwards. _

_Years had passed since their first encounter, but that hadn't made her any less beautiful or any less of a Shadowhunter. She could still knock the breath right out of his lungs with a look and sweep him off his feet with a touch. _

_Now, though, as his hands went to steady her, he saw the fear in her dark eyes. The terror seemed to have swallowed her whole, and he knew that there was only one thing in the world that could scare her that much. _

"_Jian!?" she whispered anxiously. _

_He shook his head slightly, and then he saw it. The greater demon loomed up over them, lengthening and expanding until it had doubled and tripled in size and encompassed the entire room. The ceiling cracked and the walls trembled. The floor shook underneath them and he untangled himself from his wife, rising to his feet with Cortana in his hand. The demon turned its horrible face to look at him and a terrible shock of recognition went through him. _

"_Yanluo," he whispered. _

_The demon laughed as he readied himself for a fight to the death. His wife turned, racing back into the house with only one thing on her mind. But Yanluo had other ideas. The demon reached out a hand, snatching her up and reeling her back into the great room with such force that the doorway collapsed in their wake. _

"_No," the demon said grinning horribly. "You may have escaped me once before, but you won't this time." _

"_We'll see about that," he said. He leapt into the air, landing on the back of one the chairs. Balancing there, he was poised to spring again when –_

"_Mother! Father!"_

_Every parent recognizes the voice of their child, turning automatically toward the sound, and he was no exception. His wife screamed as their son entered the room at a run and stopped in horror. _

"_Run!" he yelled at his son. But Yanluo grew an additional arm and curled a hand almost lovingly around their son, lifting him into the air. _

"_Your offspring, I presume," the demon chuckled as the child fought back with useless fists and flailing limbs._

"_Let him go!" his father ordered. _

"_Let go of the sword or I'll kill him first," the demon snarled back. _

_He suspected they were all going to be killed, so he jumped up and thrust his sword upwards, stabbing at the demon's limb that held his son. The demon howled and let go of the boy. The child hit the ground hard and rolled into a crouch. _

"_Are you alright?" he asked his son as he landed beside him. _

_The child turned towards him, and Tessa saw now that he was a few years older, that it was Jem. He couldn't have been more than eleven years old but even with his black hair and dark eyes she wondered why she hadn't recognized him instantly. Jem's dark eyes widened and cried out something to his father, a warning, and then it all went black. _

_A moment later, or perhaps it was hours later, or days, he woke to the sound of screams. He didn't remember ever hearing his wife scream before, but now that's all he seemed to hear. He was tortured with an endless cacophony of screaming and demon laughter and another horrible scream that he didn't immediately remember why it was so familiar. _

_He opened his eyes into the living nightmare that was so awful that he wondered if he was already dead and hell did in fact exist. He and his wife were bound to chairs in the great room of their own home. Scattered around them were bits and pieces of limbs that had once belonged to their guards. And there was Yanluo leering over them all. _

"_JIAN!" His wife's scream cut through the bedlam and the chaos, sharpening his mind and the picture before him. His eyes moved to look at that one terrible thing that made him believe that there was no good in the world and that this had to be his own personalized hell. He didn't want to see it, he wanted to close his eyes and let the darkness take him, but his tearful eyes could look away._

_Jem. Jian. James. It didn't matter which of his names they screamed until their throats were raw and their voices hoarse. Their son, bound to the chair across from them could not hear them. Yanluo injected him over and over again with its own poison. And his parents were forced to sit there and watch as the poison inhabited Jem's body like a parasite. It pumped through his veins like a drug, but it only brought him pain. It was the worst thing imaginable for a parent, to sit there and watch as your child thrashed and writhed in pain and screamed for you over and over again as he hallucinated. And yet you could do nothing. Their hands were literally tied. _

_Judging by the way that Yanluo continuously kept glancing at him and his wife though, he suspected that this would be over soon, at least for him. _

_He just wanted it to stop. He wanted to make it stop. He couldn't bear to hear Jem, or his wife, or the demon. He was tired, and exhausted, and he wanted a peace and a quiet tranquility that he could never find in this world. He was ready for the next life. But there was something he had to do first._

"_Jem," his voice was weak and harsh even to his own ears after all the screaming and crying. "Jem, I know you're in there somewhere, and even if you can't understand me, I want you to know that I love you. We both do. I'm so sorry Jem, so very sorry that this had to happen, especially to you-"_

"_Shut up!" the demon snarled but he kept going._

"_You're brave, Jem, and I know you're strong. Just stay strong for me, and fight just a little bit longer. It's not your time yet, I can feel it. You still have many more years, a lifetime. You just have to hang on."_

"_STOP IT!" the demon hissed. It was enraged now. _

"_Just hold on," he whispered, his voice breaking. "Just hold on." _

_With a final wrench he tore one of his bleeding hands free of the rope that had bound them. He threw something at the fireplace and it lit up in a flare of blue sparks. Then the demon was on him, and for the first time his wife was screaming his name instead of Jem's. _

_James, I love you, and one day I will meet you on the other side._

_The world exploded, the room shattering into a million different shards that didn't quite fit together. The pain was excruciating, and his body arched up off the floor, a howl tearing from somewhere deep within him as the pain spread everywhere. As the pain subsided and his body went numb, his vision clouding, and his heart slowing, he wondered if this was what his son was experiencing. Was this how Jem felt? Was there any relief? The Clave they had to come soon and then Jem, Jem had to be safe and –_

_He turned to look at his wife and then he let the pain take him, dragging him down, down, down into the blackness. _

"_NO!" _

She was shaking, or being shaken, she couldn't tell. Her heavy lids lifted and she thought that she saw Jem, wild-eyed and clothed in all his beautiful shades of pale silver. There was something important that she needed to tell him, but she couldn't remember what it was or why it mattered. She let it slip away, just like everything else. Closing her eyes, she let the arms of the angel circle around her, and the blackness rose up and swallowed her whole, taking her down, down, down, into the silence.

**A/N: Sorry about the length of the chapter. Consider it making up for lost time! It just kind of poured out of me. I know there's a lack of Jem in it but trust me he's in the next chapter which should be up VERY soon. Um, I know this has probably all been done before but after a two year absence I felt compelled to write this. Oh, and who's interested in reading another Tessa/Jem fic?! I have another idea, I know, I'll probably never finish either of these fics, but look out for it soon.**


	5. Part 5

**The White Knight**

**By Hazelmist**

**A/N: This part is from Jem's POV and it picks up just a little before the last part ended. Hope you like it!**

**PART 5**

It was dark by the time Charlotte and Jem arrived back at the Institute. After helping Charlotte down from the carriage, Jem lingered for a moment in the courtyard. Several of the windows facing the courtyard glowed with witchlight or candlelight but Jem was only interested in one of them. Sometimes, if he was lucky, he could catch a glimpse of _her_ reading in the Library. But tonight wasn't one of those rare occasions, and with a sigh, he hurried up the steps after Charlotte.

Charlotte was engaged with Sophie, so Jem was able to slip away before either of them noticed. He considered going to the Library, just to check if she had neglected her usual spot by the window for a chair closer to the fire, but he told himself he was being ridiculous and continued on to his own room. Or he would have, if William Herondale hadn't been blocking his path.

"Will," Jem greeted him with a little less than his usual warmth. When he stepped closer and saw the scratches on his _parabatai_'s arms and face, concern automatically flared up for his friend. "What happened to your face?"

"That demonic cat of yours nearly bloody killed me," Will spat, throwing a glare over his shoulder at the demonic cat in question. Church was innocently stretched out in front of Jem's door and didn't even bother to open his eyes more than a slit before resuming his nap.

"And how exactly did a small domestic house cat overtake a well-trained Shadowhunter like yourself?" Jem asked, raising his eyebrows.

"The evil monster attacked me! He wants to murder me, I'm sure of it. Look, he very well near accomplished it. See these scratches!" Will moved closer to him, so that Jem could see up close that Will was not in danger of dying anytime soon. "They could be permanent! Imagine what my face will look like now with scars all over it," Will went on, obviously horrified by the ugly prospect.

"Of course, the entire female population will be devastated that your good looks have been tainted," Jem said, rolling his eyes. "And I can only imagine their reaction once they discover that you got them from a house cat that's smaller than your head. Your brave reputation will be in tatters!" Jem lamented mockingly. "I might have to stop associating with you for the shame of it all."

"You're not taking me seriously!" Will gasped. "Jem, that thing is a monster. You need to get rid of him before he murders me in my bed."

"Will, I've told you over and over not to provoke him," Jem sighed, brushing past his parabatai to pick up the cat. Church squirmed but began to purr when Jem scratched him behind his ears. "And if you're that concerned, get a lock for your door or mark it with your stele."

"You're a fool if you think locks or marks can stop that infernal creature! I think the Dark sisters did something to him that made him into a brilliant evil mastermind!" Will said, wedging himself between Jem and his bedroom door. "What else but demonic powers could make him want to kill me!?"

"Will, you're so provoking that sometimes even I want to kill you," Jem confessed. "And I took an oath to protect you."

"Exactly! That cat is hazardous to my health and it's your obligation as my _parabatai_ to get rid of it!" Will grasped Jem's arm and dragged him away from the door. But he upset Church in the process. With an ear-splitting yowl the cat slipped from his arms, accidentally clawing Jem before he landed on all fours.

"Will!" Jem groaned, as the cat streaked through the hall and disappeared into the shadows.

"We better go after it before it kills Charlotte and Henry," Will urged, beckoning for Jem to follow him as he took after his little nemesis. Jem looked heavenward wondering what possessed him to befriend someone so insane. Just then another howl split the air.

"Will, I told you not to provoke him," Jem called after him, realizing that he was more afraid for his foolish _parabatai_ than the clever cat.

When there was no witty reply, Jem stopped. Another sound had caught his attention, something that seemed to have crept right out of his darkest nightmares. The wailing turned his blood cold and made the hairs on the back of his neck stand straight up.

"James!"

But Jem had already turned and raced back to his bedroom. He flung open the door and fell back against the wall as if he had been struck. He brought his fist to his mouth to stop himself from crying out. A pair of bloodshot eyes, glazed with pain looked right through him and two scarred hands reached out to him as if they wanted to drag him right down into the depths of hell. Because Jem knew that this man was trapped in his worst nightmare.

"James," the voice was so hoarse that he could barely make out his own name. But he would've recognized that voice anywhere and in any form. Jem's knees gave way and he slid to the floor.

"James, I love you," the voice whispered, the hands curling in on themselves. The man was folding in on himself, the strength waning, the bones crushing, the skin burning, and all by an invisible foe that Jem knew only too well because it was dragging him into that same hell, but at an agonizingly slow pace.

"Father," Jem cried out, scrambling across the floor on his hands and knees. His father slumped forward and Jem caught him in his arms. As he cradled him close, his father's eyes fluttered open. He smiled up at Jem and touched his shoulder as if some of his strength had been restored at the mere sight of him.

Jem knew it was impossible, but he would have relived the whole night over and over again if just once he'd been able to talk to his father again. In his nightmares and his dreams, he saw him but he never spoke. And now, somehow here he was with him again. There were so many things Jem wanted to ask him, so many things that he needed to hear from his lips, but Jem never said anything more than his father's name; because in that moment, despite the pain, and the horror, and the shock, Jem finally saw _her_.

"Tessa," Jem whispered. His father closed his eyes and Jem felt that last chance slipping from his fingertips like the life had left him so many years ago.

"_Tessa_!" Jem shook his father hard, shaking the firm but gentle hand from his shoulder, shaking off the faint smell of tobacco that his father used to carry with him, shaking off the sound of his low voice that Jem in all the years that had passed had almost forgotten. He didn't call him back, instead he called _her_ name over and over again until it was _her_ little white hands that were clutching at his arms and _her_ wide frightened grey eyes that opened into his.

"Tessa?"

Tessa trembled violently, and with a soft choking sound, she collapsed in his arms. Jem shook her again, but she had gone unnaturally still.

"NO!"

Jem ignored Will's moan, lifting Tessa up into his arms and carrying her over to the bed. He laid her down with infinite care, struggling to suppress his own inner panic that Will was voicing very unhelpfully over his shoulder. He could hear his _parabatai_ pacing behind him as he gingerly lifted Tessa's wrist to check for a pulse. Then he brushed aside Tessa's hair so that he could press two fingers to the pulse that beat at her throat as well. The response he got was strong and reassuring, but just to be sure he moved closer to her on the bed, lowering his ear to her chest. Her breathing had evened out to a steady, slow rhythm and Jem knew that she was only sleeping. He rested his head on her chest and closed his eyes in relief.

"What are you doing?"

Jem opened his eyes to find that Will had stopped his pacing and was watching him closely. Suddenly realizing the improper position he was in, he hastily removed himself from Tessa and rose from the bed. He cleared his throat and awkwardly rubbed the back of his now burning neck.

"I think she's alright, just sleeping off the after effects of the Change," he reassured Will, looking down at Tessa so that he could avoid Will's sharp eyes. He heard Will approach and felt his hand on his shoulder.

"James, are _you_ alright?"

Jem squeezed his eyes shut and he saw his father again, reaching out to him with scarred hands that threatened to drag him right down into the depths of his worst nightmare. No, he wasn't alright and Will knew that. He opened his eyes and looked past Will's hand, immediately finding the band of silver as if it had called out to him like it had to Tessa. Will's hand slid from his shoulder as Jem knelt down and retrieved his father's ring. He held it between his thumb and his finger, wishing bitterly that he had been able to wear it. But even now, after seeing what his cowardice had done to Tessa, he still couldn't bring himself to put it on.

"It's not your fault," Will said softly as if he could read his mind.

"I wanted her to do this," Jem recalled, remembering that day weeks ago when Tessa had been practicing as Camille and he had gotten that first flicker of an idea.

"No, she wanted to do this," Will informed him. "I tried to talk her out of it. But she was adamant that she had to do this, even after she Changed into you, she insisted that I help her-"

"You let her Change into me?" Jem shot to his feet so fast that Will stumbled back a step.

"I thought it would stop her," Will defended himself stubbornly. "She's always poking her dirty Downworlder nose into other people's business and I thought that it might be good if she got a taste of her own medicine."

Jem knew he wasn't getting the whole story, and he _knew _that Will had a habit of lying and making himself out to be a horrible monster. But for once, Jem wasn't the one who was thinking straight. He had just seen his father who had been dead for years, and had been forced to witness what had probably been his last moments all over again, and now he found out that Will had allowed, Tessa, of all people, to access his mind and the one secret he actually kept from the rest of the world. Jem glanced back at Tessa, and everything he'd been holding back bubbled up inside of him.

"Jem, a gift like hers is dangerous but it's part of her nature. You had to know that at some point her curiosity would get the best of her and she would invade each and every one of us. Someone needs to put her in her proper place-"

"Outside," Jem cut him off in mid-sentence. He went to the door, listening as his _parabatai_'s footsteps reluctantly followed. He waited for Will to sigh and shut the door behind him, before he turned to face him.

"Jem, I told you that getting involved with a Downworlder, especially a Warlock, was a terrible idea-"

Jem didn't want to hear Will say another bad word about Tessa. He put out both his hands and shoved his _parabatai_ as hard as he could. It felt good to hear Will grunt in surprise as he slammed into the opposite wall with enough force to elicit a hiss of pain. His blue eyes went wide with shock as Jem pressed his elbow to his throat, restraining him and temporarily suppressing his ability to speak.

"Listen to me, William. I've told you before that Tessa is a human being and she deserves to be treated as one. I don't understand what your problem is with her or the rest of the universe, but until you resolve it I want you to stay away from her."

Will tried to speak, but Jem pressed down harder.

"I don't want to hear you even breathe her name unless you're singing her praises. And if I ever find out that you took advantage of Tessa's gift again I'll go straight to Charlotte. Do you understand?"

Will nodded and Jem reluctantly released him. Watching Will gulp in air and massage his throat, Jem was momentarily regretful of how quickly and irrationally he had lost his temper. Then he thought of Tessa and all regret instantly vanished.

He reached out and caught Will by the arm before he could walk away.

"I don't know why or how you could do it, Will, but if you ever harm Tessa or break her heart again, I'll hurt you," he warned him. He shouldn't have been surprised when Will tossed back his head and laughed mirthlessly at him.

"No one's ever seen anything like her before. How can you be so sure that she even has a heart?" Will retorted and his lips peeled back into a gruesome grin that never reached his eyes.

Despite the oath Jem had sworn and the rune that bound them, Jem dearly wanted to kill Will then. But he knew he couldn't do that. Rage wasn't something that he wore well and he could already feel his anger draining. Suddenly exhausted, all he wanted to do now was return to Tessa.

"I think we both know she has a heart, Will, but I'm not sure if I can say the same for you," he said gravely. With a disappointed shake of his head, he left Will alone.

If Jem had turned back, he would've seen that Will did indeed have a heart. Will's heart was in his eyes as he approached Jem's bedroom door with an apology on his lips. He raised his hand and pressed it against the wood. But he couldn't enter. Instead he pressed his stele to the door and a window began to form.

He made it just wide enough so that he could see them on Jem's bed with their heads bent together. Their voices were too soft for him to hear, but the dialogue wasn't necessary for him to draw his own conclusions.

Deciding that he'd had enough, Will closed up the window and started to walk. He walked through the Institute and out into the night. He walked all over London, treading the roads that had become so familiar to him under the cover of darkness that he could have navigated them blindfolded. He walked until his feet actually hurt and it started to rain. He didn't stop until he had made up his mind, because by then he had reached the city limits and it was too late to turn back.

**A/N: So you got Jem's and a little of Will's POV. The next section just needs to be edited and will be back to Tessa's POV. Sorry, this is kind of a transitioning chapter, but I had to break the chapter up into two parts because otherwise it would've been WAY too long. I promise you though, you're going to like Part 6. Thanks for reviewing and please let me know what you think! Also I still have another Will/Tessa/Jem story in the works so keep an eye out for it as well as Part 6!**


	6. Part 6

**The White Knight**

**By Hazelmist**

**A/N: Well, here it is the chapter we've all been waiting for! Sorry for the delay!**

**PART 6**

Tessa lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling of Jem's bedroom. She could just make out the sound of muffled voices in the corridor outside and she suspected that Jem and Will were fighting again because of her. The impulse to run to the door either to eavesdrop or break the pair up before it escalated was strong, but Tessa's body ached and she knew that she had already done more than enough meddling for one day. She winced, reflexively bringing her hand up to her head. The ring was gone, but the pain still resonated faintly there.

Suddenly, she became aware of the silence. The door opened and she had just enough time to roll over and relax her limbs before the door shut and someone approached the bed. She knew who it was even before she felt the light touch of his hand and the sound of his voice in her ear.

"It's alright, I sent him away," Jem said.

Tessa gave up on the pretense of sleeping and shifted to make room for him. He perched himself on the very edge of the bed as if he was afraid that even this act might destroy her reputation. Tessa thought this was silly, considering that they had already shared a bed before. Then again, perhaps he wasn't only concerned about _her_ reputation. After all, it had been her idea to go to Jem's room, and she had been the one that had Changed into Jem despite Will's protests, and she had been the one that had locked herself in there, practically naked so that could Change into yet another man with nothing but Will to bar the door. God, what Jem must think of her now! She should have listened to Will when he tried to talk her out of it.

What had she done? Now, Jem wouldn't even look at her. Tessa covered her own face with her hand.

"Are you alright?" Jem asked anxiously.

Tessa shook her head, too ashamed and humiliated to voice what they both knew was wrong.

"Tessa, look at me." Jem closed his fingers around her wrist and took her hand away from her face so that she could look at him. She was surprised by the amount of concern she saw there, especially since he must hate her now after everything she'd done.

"I'm so sorry, Jem," Tessa apologized before she lost her nerve. "I don't know what Will said to you-"

"Never mind, Will," Jem said so sharply that Tessa knew that they had had another falling out over her.

"It wasn't his fault," she said, sitting up so quickly that the room spun. "It was my idea. I only wanted to help you-"

"I know," Jem interrupted her, taking her by the shoulders and gently easing her back down into the pillows.

"I'm sorry," she said again. "Please, don't be angry with him because of me."

"I'm not," Jem said soothingly. He smoothed her hair back from her forehead.

"You're not angry with him?" Tessa asked, wonderingly.

"Not because of you," Jem clarified. "And I'm not mad you either." He passed his hand over her forehead again and into her hair, continuing thoughtfully, "I don't think I could stay mad at you or Will for very long, though if Will continues to test my patience I might chuck him into the Thames before I can stop myself."

Tessa snorted. Jem smiled and let his hand drop from her hair.

"He does seem to have that effect on most people," Tessa agreed, sitting up slowly now that she felt better. "I don't know how you put up with him."

"Most of the time I don't," Jem confessed. "Usually I can just tune him out, but sometimes…" His hands fluttered and he sighed.

"Tessa, Will hasn't said anything to you about me, has he?"

Tessa was surprised by the sudden change of the subject and confused by what he meant exactly, but tried not to let on.

"The first time I talked to him was today, when I convinced him to help me find something of your father's or mother's so that I could – well, you saw what happened," she broke off, guitily looking down at her own hands. Jem cleared his throat.

"If you don't mind me asking, Tessa, but why did you do that?" There was no judgment in his voice, only a mild curiosity, and that was what made Jem so different from everyone else in the world and why Tessa was so willing to answer him with nothing but honesty.

"I thought I could help find a cure if I was able to see what had happened to you and your parents. I was desperate, Jem, and I needed to have all the facts and see the whole picture. It was something that_ I_ knew I could do for you using my gift. At the time it seemed like the only thing I could do, but now I realize that I should have asked you and that I probably didn't accomplish anything other than invading your privacy," Tessa finished, clasping her hands in her lap. She felt freer now that the truth was out and she wondered if Jem had known that she needed to tell him.

"You shouldn't have asked me," Jem whispered, shaking his head. Tessa looked over at him, alarmed.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because I would've told you to do it," Jem said sadly. He opened one of his hands, and Tessa saw that he had gotten his father's ring back and was passing it from one hand to the other. "Tessa, you and I are both orphans. After all those years of missing both of them, you must understand to what lengths I would have gone just to talk to my father for one more second. Tessa, I can't –" he broke off, biting down on his lip and closing his fingers over the ring.

Tessa moved closer to him until their limbs brushed and her hands were able to reach out and take his carefully between her own. His head bent forward until it nearly touched hers and she breathed his name.

"Jem, I can do it again. I can bring him back and you can talk to him for as long as you want. It's the least I can do after I –"

Jem laughed and she stopped herself, pulling back in embarrassment. But Jem caught one of her wrists, holding her there as the laughter died away replaced by a gravity that pained her even more.

"Tessa, how could you think that I would ever make you go through that again?" His eyes searched hers, and his hand let go of her wrist to cup her face. "I'm not that cruel. Even if the fate of the world was in your hands, I would never force you to suffer through something like that. I know you Tessa and I've watched you Change before. I know it hurts you. And I know what my father went through, and if you even experienced a little bit of that – God, Tessa." He let go of her and ran his free hand through his hair.

"I'm fine, honestly," Tessa reassured him, laying a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you really?" Jem asked worriedly.

"I won't Change into your father or you again, I swear," Tessa said, squeezing his shoulder. Then watching Jem's eyes widen and realizing, what she just admitted, she dropped her hand back into her lap.

"I thought Will was lying," Jem admitted.

Tessa winced, wishing for once that Will had been.

"It was an accident," Tessa blurted out. "One second I was holding your violin and the next I was…" She gestured helplessly to him. "It was only for a minute, and then Will pulled me out of it or you kicked me out…"

Jem gripped her shoulder, forcing her to face her. His voice shook slightly when the questions poured out of him, so quickly that Tessa could hardly make sense of what he was saying.

"What did you see? Did you – did you read my thoughts like you did with – with Camille?"

"Jem, I didn't learn anything that I didn't already know about you," Tessa chose her words carefully. She could have lied, but it didn't seem fair to Jem after everything she'd done to him already. "It was so easy to Change into you because you let me in right away. You're so open and kind and warm to everyone that it was hard for me to resist the Change, so I just let it happen. I'm sorry, Jem. I should've stopped myself but I wanted to know more about you," Tessa admitted with a shy smile.

"You could've just asked," Jem said finally, but not without some amusement and shyness of his own.

"I know," Tessa said, glancing down at Jem's hands that were fiddling restlessly with his father's ring again. "Why don't you ever wear it?"

Jem looked up, startled as if he hadn't even been realizing he'd been holding onto it.

"The ring, why don't you wear it?" Tessa asked with her usual blunt curiosity. "Is it the same reason why you wouldn't accept your father's sword?"

"You saw that?" Jem asked uneasily.

"From your father's point of view," she answered the unspoken question, before adding, "And Jem, you must know by now that just like Cortana he would've wanted you to have his ring and to wear it. He loved you very much. Those were his last thoughts that he wanted you to keep living and that he loved you," Tessa informed him, remembering suddenly that was what Jem had wanted desperately to know all those weeks ago when he had suggested the idea half-heartedly while she was Camille.

"If I had been wearing it, you never would've been able to Change into him," he said softly. "This is the last thing I have left of him."

"And you're afraid you'll lose that last part of him if you start wearing it," Tessa realized. "I'm sorry, Jem. I shouldn't have asked or said anything."

"Don't be sorry. I like it when you ask questions," he told her, smiling. Tessa remembered the first night that they'd met when she'd barged into his room in the middle of the night and treated him to a barrage of questions. Weeks had passed but she still couldn't squelch the urge to ask him more because he almost always answered them.

"Do you know that the only person I think Will cares for in this world is you?" Tessa asked the question that for months now, she'd been holding onto.

"That's not true," Jem chuckled. "Will cares for a lot of people, but he won't show it for whatever reason he has for hating himself. And don't ask me why because I don't know."

"I think he makes an exception for you," Tessa mused aloud. "It's so hard not to love you."

Tessa had said it so absentmindedly and it had been so matter of fact, that she never thought of what kind of effect those words would have on Jem until he blushed. Only then, did she realize what he might have heard her say. Tessa felt her cheeks heat up as she wondered what kind of girl he must think she was. Here, she was sitting on his bed, brashly discussing her invasion of his privacy and her unrequited feelings, and all of this in nothing but his shirt. Oh!

"I need to dress," Tessa informed him. Jem's brows came together, but then he seemed to notice the way she was holding herself away from him. His eyes drifted downward and then hastily looked away.

"Of course," he said, nodding. He rose from the bed and started toward the door, but as he stepped over what was left of her dress, he paused.

"Should I get Sophie to help you dress?" He took one look at her horrified face and realized his mistake. "Right, I'll help you then," he offered politely, smiling to cover up all of the innuendos and nerves that any other man might have made or been dealing with when faced with an undressed woman in his bed. But Jem wasn't just another male. He was her friend and one of the kindest people she'd ever met. He'd defended her reputation to Will, and had forgiven her even when she'd done the most terrible thing to him. She decided to put aside her silly feelings and prove that she could be just as mature and proper as he was.

"Thank you," she said gratefully, and then she stood and retrieved her dress from the floor, laying it out on his bed. Now that Jem had lit a candle, it looked a lot worse than she recalled, probably because she'd basically ripped it off in her haste to Change into Jem's father. She wondered how on earth she was supposed to get it back on and then explain to Sophie how it had gotten into such a woefully damaged state.

"Never mind that, I'll take care of it once we get it on you," Jem said, resting one of his cool hands on her shoulder. She jumped at the unexpected contact, realizing for the first time how thin the material of Jem's shirt was. She knew he was only trying to reassure her, but now that she was standing in the middle of his bedroom and they could see each other fully in the candlelight, it was very unsettling every time he looked at her.

"Okay," Tessa squeaked and nodded her head until Jem let go of her.

She started to remove his shirt and Jem cleared his throat. Twisting around, she caught him staring at her with dark eyes. He recovered himself so quickly, and turned his back on her so fast that she wondered if she had imagined the brief flash of what looked like lust in his eyes as she'd lifted the hem of his shirt up. As she lifted the shirt over her head and tossed it aside, she wondered if he was peeking and watching her now like she could imagine someone like Will doing. But Jem wasn't Will, Jem was a gentleman. Scolding herself, she hastily stepped back into her discarded clothes and tried to do her best with her sorry excuse for a dress.

"Here, let me," a low voice said in her ear. Tessa was so startled, that she let her hands fall to her side and the dress started to slide down off of her figure. Hastily, she wrapped her arms around herself holding it in place so that his nimble fingers could work on the complicated ties in the back like the strings of his favorite instrument.

He pulled the ties of her corset too tight, and she winced and gasped out loud.

"Sorry," he apologized, obviously horrified that he had hurt her. Tessa bit down on her lip and braced herself as Jem carefully undid the ties, loosening them so that she could breathe easily again. "Sorry," he whispered again, placing a hand flat against her back, and Tessa noticed that his hands and voice weren't as steady as they usually were.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked her huskily.

Her back was to him, but she could feel the press of his chest against her back as he leaned toward her to catch her reply. His heart was beating hard and fast, or was it just her heart that was galloping in her chest and threatening to burst free like a wild stallion? They were so close to each other now that she could no longer differentiate his pulse from hers. Swallowing hard, she tried to form a reply. But she couldn't trust herself to speak coherently and instead settled for a wordless shake of her head.

Jem's clever hands returned to the fastenings on the back of her dress and Tessa wondered vaguely if she should be concerned that Jem seemed to know exactly what he was doing. But she suspected that Jem was a lot more intelligent than he liked to let on, and she knew from watching him play the violin and throw a knife that he had always been very good with his hands.

She felt the brush of those hands now at the back of her neck as he finished with the dress. They were deceptively smooth and so light that she often forgot how strong and quick they were when necessary.

"You can stop holding your breath," he teased her, but it didn't sound as light as his usual humor.

"As long as you're not going to suffocate me again," Tessa replied, exhaling loudly and making a show of letting her hands fall back to her side.

Jem laughed softly and his breath stirred her hair. He reached out to pull back her hair that had fallen into and around her face while he'd worked on her dress and she'd hunched forward a bit. She straightened up and felt the cold press of metal at the base of her neck as he gathered her hair between his hands.

"You're wearing your father's ring?" she gasped.

"You were right," Jem said. "He'd want me to have it and wear it instead of hiding it at the bottom of my wardrobe in hopes that if I couldn't see it than he wouldn't be really gone."

Tessa didn't know what to say in light of that raw confession. So, she stayed still and let Jem continue to play with her hair. She felt the weight of it suddenly shift from her neck to her head and something scrape over her scalp.

"There, that ought to do it," Jem said, stepping back from her suddenly. She immediately missed the warmth of his body against her back, but then his hands were on her shoulders and he was spinning her around so that he could look at her.

This time Tessa witnessed the transformation his face underwent at the full sight of her.

"What?" she asked anxiously, wondering if the dress was indeed ripped somewhere that she had missed. She sought out the small mirror Jem had tucked away in a corner of his room by the washstand. Tessa saw with surprise that he had piled all of her hair up onto her head and stabbed a long pin through it to hold it in place. By candlelight and with her hair messily but nicely done up like that, the dress didn't seem to look all that bad. She might actually be able to pass for dinner, as long as Henry still hadn't fixed the gaslights and no one looked at her too closely or asked too many questions.

"Do you like it?" Jem asked shyly, appearing in the mirror behind her.

"I do." She beamed back at his reflection.

"Good, because you're escorting me to dinner," he said, bowing and offering his arm gallantly. Tessa gladly took his arm and let him lead her from the room. They spent the whole trip down to dining room, making up all kinds of stories to explain the state of her dress and hair. Jem was laughing and Tessa was in stiches by the time they made it downstairs. It was only when they were almost there, that Jem stopped them both because he was worried that her hair was coming down again.

It was a lie, but Tessa didn't care. She enjoyed the feel of his cool fingers on her face, as they brushed back a few wayward curls and tucked them behind her ears. She found out that she liked the brief touch of his lips to her temple even better. As he drew back from her, Tessa wondered if he knew that she was still trying to catch her breath. Did he understand what kind of effect even the slightest brush of his hand could have on her? The grin that broke out on his face as the oblivious Henry once again interrupted them, much to her disappointment, led her to believe that he knew exactly what he was doing to her.

Dinner was a trial, but when Tessa explained that she'd fallen asleep in the library and then accidentally stepped on the cat when she woke so that he attacked her, no one questioned her. It might have been because Jem was her co-conspirator, and Will was absent, and Jessamine was so tired that she fell asleep at the dinner table, or perhaps it was because Henry was so excited that Charlotte spent most of the dinner trying to prevent him from trying out his latest experiment on the mashed potatoes.

Only Sophie seemed to suspect that anything was amiss, but when Henry did finally succeed in blowing up their dinner and splattered it all over the room, waking an outraged Jessamine, she had her hands more than full and Tessa and Jem excused themselves with no one the wiser. In high spirits, the pair triumphantly returned to their rooms, feeling as if they'd pulled off something far more dramatic than the salvage of Tessa's dainty reputation.

Tessa couldn't get rid of the stupid smile on her face and Jem seemed just as giddy as they said goodnight and closed their doors. It wasn't until Tessa sat down at her vanity and finally pulled the pin from her hair, that her mood sobered as her hair came tumbling down.

She recognized the long pin instantly from the memory of Jem's parent's first meeting. It belonged to Jem's mother, and he'd stuck it in her hair and basically given it to her without breathing a word of its significance to him.

Rising from her seat, she threw open her door and raced across the hall. She didn't even bother to knock before she let herself into his room and shut the door behind her.

"Tessa?"

Tessa had interrupted him while he was undressing. His shirt was off and she was treated to a brief vision of white marble plains of smooth skin, only broken by the occasional inked mark or faded scar. By the Angel, he was the loveliest thing she had ever laid eyes on. And she was very much in danger of doing something terribly embarrassing like telling him that or God forbid, swooning.

"What's wrong, Tessa? You look like you've had a fright," Jem observed, concerned.

He was right, of course, but she wasn't about to tell him that her heart had literally come to a standstill when she saw his bare chest. Straightening up, she tried to remember why she had come back to Jem's room. Nervously, she brushed back her hair from her eyes, nearly stabbing herself in the eye with the pin.

"Oh!" she gasped, recognizing it and holding it out to him. "I just wanted to say thank you for helping me save my reputation today and for lending me this."

"I thought you liked it," Jem said, accepting it with some reluctance.

"I do," Tessa gushed. "It's beautiful, Jem. But – but I know it belonged to your mother. It must be very important to you."

"It is," Jem agreed, looking at her steadily. "That's why I wanted you to have it."

"I don't understand," Tessa said, shaking her head in confusion. "Why would you give me something that meant so much to you?"

"You really don't know, do you?" Jem asked her, his eyes widening just a fraction when Tessa confirmed it with a frown. Shaking his own head, he muttered something under his breath and set the pin down on the washstand. He braced himself against the washstand for a moment and then with a resolved sigh he turned to face her.

"Tessa, you Changed into me. Didn't you see inside my head?"

"Of course," Tessa recalled. "But I didn't see anything that I didn't already know about you."

Jem's face fell and his shoulders slumped just slightly enough that Tessa knew that she had somehow said something wrong. Desperately, she stepped toward him, catching at his wrist before he could slip away from her.

"Jem, I'm sorry I invaded your privacy. Honestly, I am. But I was only in there for maybe a minute and I didn't really see anything other than _you_," Tessa confessed, blushing because now Jem was looking at her in a way she'd never seen anyone look at her before.

"You didn't see any of my memories or yourself?" Jem sounded like he was stumbling over his words in his haste to get them out.

"No," Tessa began, but caught herself. "Well, I did see myself for a moment, but then Will pulled me out of the Change."

"So, you don't know…" Jem breathed, gazing at her in awe.

"Don't know what?" Tessa asked, smiling because Jem was smiling now too.

"Tessa," he laughed softly and reached out to toy with a strand of her hair. "You're all I ever think about."

Tessa felt as if the breath had been knocked out of her. She couldn't breathe. Was he saying what she thought he was saying?

"I can't get you out of my thoughts," he sighed, focusing on that same curl as he twisted it up and around one of those long slender fingers. "I think about you reading in the Library and how intelligent you are, and I think about you laughing and your sense of humor, and I think about you and your hundreds of questions and your burning curiosity, and I think about your compassion, and sometimes I think about this-"

Then, before Tessa could ask what "this" was, Jem leaned in and kissed her.

**A/N: Hope it wasn't too cliché! Please, let me know what you think and I'll update soon. **


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